Showing posts with label thesis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thesis. Show all posts
Monday, May 15, 2006
today i finished 19 consecutive years of schooling. i turned in my masters thesis today and don't really know how to feel except that i should have reread it once more. my students are very excited for me and keep saying, "I'm going to call you Master Amy from now on." There's so many things wrong w/ that! anyway, it's cool that i have a line on my resume that says, "Masters of Arts in Education with a concentration in Equity and Social Justice" kick ass!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
silence
i've been stuck on my "Researcher Background" section for a long time... so stuck in fact that i sent over a draft to samhita for feedback ( i NEVER let ppl read my unpolished writing, it's too embarrassing, unless its in blog form) anyway, samhita told me what i have is too skeletal and that i'm holding back. so i think i need to do some more free writing...
asian american studies was the only place in berkeley that i didn't feel silenced. despite being on a campus full of APAs, i always felt marginal. up until my college, i lived most of my life feeling alienated from my surroundings, especailly in high school. i was used to the loneliness and able to disguise it pretty well.
when i came to cal, i felt out of place. def i felt out of place b/c so many people on my floor had college-educated parents or came from middle class families. yes, there were a lot of APAs, but few who were interested in social justice. everyone wanted to get into the damn b-school... SO IRRITATING. when i took my first asian am class it was exhilarating. thrilling. i've been going through my college writings. many of my asian am classes required a Why are you here? response the first week. all of my responses sound so excited. i felt grounded in that space. i could speak. i learned about things i didn't know existed.
what was unsettling was when i left that safe space. my ed classes were predominantly white (even though all the classes required an interview and i'm sure they used some informal Affirmative Action)-- that space was not safe. too many racist white liberals who want to be educational missionaries. my random GE classes- everyone was Asian but was STILL trying to get into B-school. even my ethnic studies classes were not safe. you cannot be an Asian Am major and think in the black/ white paradigm (you prolly can't be a chican@ studies major either). you def cannot be an Asian Am major w/out considering how immigration hinders/ supports your access to resources in the U.S. you cannot be an asian am major w/out talking about that damn model minority myth. M3 keeps coming back and biting me in the ass. the internalization of the myth is why AAS is dying at UC Berkeley. it's why there were only 13 ppl who graduated from AAS in 2004. the pervasive nature of the myth is also what keeps the discipline so insulated from the rest of the ES department. that's why in comparative ethnic studies courses that are not taught by an APA professor, APA issues are glossed over and superficial. that's why APA students who have an interest in cultural studies don't want to be in AAS-- i've heard so many ES folks say, Asian Am is too limiting. some dumbass actually told me it was not revolutionary enough.
asian american studies was the only place in berkeley that i didn't feel silenced. despite being on a campus full of APAs, i always felt marginal. up until my college, i lived most of my life feeling alienated from my surroundings, especailly in high school. i was used to the loneliness and able to disguise it pretty well.
when i came to cal, i felt out of place. def i felt out of place b/c so many people on my floor had college-educated parents or came from middle class families. yes, there were a lot of APAs, but few who were interested in social justice. everyone wanted to get into the damn b-school... SO IRRITATING. when i took my first asian am class it was exhilarating. thrilling. i've been going through my college writings. many of my asian am classes required a Why are you here? response the first week. all of my responses sound so excited. i felt grounded in that space. i could speak. i learned about things i didn't know existed.
what was unsettling was when i left that safe space. my ed classes were predominantly white (even though all the classes required an interview and i'm sure they used some informal Affirmative Action)-- that space was not safe. too many racist white liberals who want to be educational missionaries. my random GE classes- everyone was Asian but was STILL trying to get into B-school. even my ethnic studies classes were not safe. you cannot be an Asian Am major and think in the black/ white paradigm (you prolly can't be a chican@ studies major either). you def cannot be an Asian Am major w/out considering how immigration hinders/ supports your access to resources in the U.S. you cannot be an asian am major w/out talking about that damn model minority myth. M3 keeps coming back and biting me in the ass. the internalization of the myth is why AAS is dying at UC Berkeley. it's why there were only 13 ppl who graduated from AAS in 2004. the pervasive nature of the myth is also what keeps the discipline so insulated from the rest of the ES department. that's why in comparative ethnic studies courses that are not taught by an APA professor, APA issues are glossed over and superficial. that's why APA students who have an interest in cultural studies don't want to be in AAS-- i've heard so many ES folks say, Asian Am is too limiting. some dumbass actually told me it was not revolutionary enough.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
my thesis draft is due Monday, yet i'm still finding plenty of ways to procrastinate:
angry lil boys,
Tasty Candy,
Daddy blogs,
Biggest waste of time ever ,
More Daddy blogs,
second biggest waste of time ever ,
Plug for Gary,
Plug for Samhita,
Clothes that I could never fit into, but like to look at ,
and
Making my ears happy
angry lil boys,
Tasty Candy,
Daddy blogs,
Biggest waste of time ever ,
More Daddy blogs,
second biggest waste of time ever ,
Plug for Gary,
Plug for Samhita,
Clothes that I could never fit into, but like to look at ,
and
Making my ears happy
Sunday, April 16, 2006
i havent done shit on my thesis in two weeks.. burnt out... hopefully will be reinspired to write or at least guilt-tripped into writing...
i came back from a 4-day so cal college tour w/ 48 high school juniors. so crazy. so fun. so stressful. so worth it. maybe will post reflections later. considering how much time i spent on a bus w/ so many people, it was inevitable that i got sick. i've been procrastinating/ healing in bed by looking up mopeds. i picture myself zipping from oakland to berkeley on this or this. i won't have to worry about quarters for parking, parking tickets, parking spaces, or gas (90 mpg on these suckers!). i'm gonna test drive them this week. i might be too scared to ride one though.... we'll see...
i came back from a 4-day so cal college tour w/ 48 high school juniors. so crazy. so fun. so stressful. so worth it. maybe will post reflections later. considering how much time i spent on a bus w/ so many people, it was inevitable that i got sick. i've been procrastinating/ healing in bed by looking up mopeds. i picture myself zipping from oakland to berkeley on this or this. i won't have to worry about quarters for parking, parking tickets, parking spaces, or gas (90 mpg on these suckers!). i'm gonna test drive them this week. i might be too scared to ride one though.... we'll see...
Sunday, April 02, 2006
all of my curriculum is done biatch!
actually this is a delayed post. i finished it last monday but have not had a chance to celebrate it.
this past week has been an emotional rollercoaster, filled with a lot of.... i guess... grieving (?). perhaps more disbelief and anger. i have been trudging along and getting my work and school done though. i've actually been pretty damn productive which worries me a little. i've been told that my coping mechanism is not so good... i guess i start coping w/ stuff but once it interferes w/ my responsibilities, i cut it off and never let it run its course. for someone who's so damned sensitive this is puzzling.
also in the past two weeks or so i have felt young. most people know that i am age sensitive. i hate being referred to as young or "only 23" or the worst, "when i was your age" (by people who are only a few years older). in the past 2-3 years I have felt esp sensitive b/c everything in my life has been on super-high gear w/ a lot of responsibilities. as a result, i've always felt somewhat older (even w/ all my big ass stuffed animals on my bed). recently when i'm sitting on my floor or lying in my bed thinking about stuff that's going on i get this feeling... stronger than a feeling... not as strong as a revelation... but whatever it is, my mind takes a big gulp of air and i feel something inside me that i instinctually associate w/ being young... vulernability perhaps.
actually this is a delayed post. i finished it last monday but have not had a chance to celebrate it.
this past week has been an emotional rollercoaster, filled with a lot of.... i guess... grieving (?). perhaps more disbelief and anger. i have been trudging along and getting my work and school done though. i've actually been pretty damn productive which worries me a little. i've been told that my coping mechanism is not so good... i guess i start coping w/ stuff but once it interferes w/ my responsibilities, i cut it off and never let it run its course. for someone who's so damned sensitive this is puzzling.
also in the past two weeks or so i have felt young. most people know that i am age sensitive. i hate being referred to as young or "only 23" or the worst, "when i was your age" (by people who are only a few years older). in the past 2-3 years I have felt esp sensitive b/c everything in my life has been on super-high gear w/ a lot of responsibilities. as a result, i've always felt somewhat older (even w/ all my big ass stuffed animals on my bed). recently when i'm sitting on my floor or lying in my bed thinking about stuff that's going on i get this feeling... stronger than a feeling... not as strong as a revelation... but whatever it is, my mind takes a big gulp of air and i feel something inside me that i instinctually associate w/ being young... vulernability perhaps.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
all night i had this itch on my stomach. in my half-sleep i feared that my stress rash was returning. i kept scratching it but stopped because the skin on my stomach felt all weird. i rolled around all night and kept hearing this crinkling, kept feeling sharp poke in my skin (like my rash!). i was scared... dreading the thought of missing school and work to take care of that damn rash. i was so tired though that i didnt bother to get up and really check it out. this morning i checked it out. i woke up w/ yellow post its stuck to my sheets, my pajamas, and my stomach! i lost the suckers yesterday morning. instead of being stuck together like the regular kind, these are accordian style so the pad falls apart all the time, esp when you roll on top of them in your sleep.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
big, giant OOPS
i did not meet my monday deadline of having all my lesson plans done. as of this morning, i have 14/15 completed. today i met w/ this awe-inspiring teacher named Liza. liza teaches lit at community college and has her shit TOGETHER. i'm so happy that she is a teacher. anyway, what came out of this meeting was a realization that my curriculum development is way off. i have built in about 13-14 books to read in addition to some other supplemental readings. i based this off of my experience and other folk's feedback on their experiences in lit courses or freshman year reading and comp courses. i was very, very happy w/ my lesson planning until today. when i met w/ liza she told me she teaches 3 books a semester in a literature course at community college. THREE BOOKS to my 13. she broke down what it takes to teach at community college, which among other things is a lot of skill building. we had a long talk about her classes, the politics of community college, and all the stuff i should get if i want to teach there in the future. very, very helpful.
anyway, what does this 3 v 14 books mean? i have to REDO my curriculum. i whittled my list of books down to: Woman Warrior, M Butterfly, Temperature of this Water, Dictee, and Rolling the Rs, plus one student-selected reading for a total of six books (a student at Skyline told me today, MAYBE he'd sign up for a class that was going to read six books, def not 13). i'm now expanding each of these books into multiple lesson plans, which is painstaking work. i'm also building in more time for.. i'm not sure what to call it... not skill building but a lot more peer review, overview of literary elements, etc. it's a totally different course now. i'm trying to do all the reworking in 1 week too!!!! that way i'll only be behind my original schedule by one week.
anyway, what does this 3 v 14 books mean? i have to REDO my curriculum. i whittled my list of books down to: Woman Warrior, M Butterfly, Temperature of this Water, Dictee, and Rolling the Rs, plus one student-selected reading for a total of six books (a student at Skyline told me today, MAYBE he'd sign up for a class that was going to read six books, def not 13). i'm now expanding each of these books into multiple lesson plans, which is painstaking work. i'm also building in more time for.. i'm not sure what to call it... not skill building but a lot more peer review, overview of literary elements, etc. it's a totally different course now. i'm trying to do all the reworking in 1 week too!!!! that way i'll only be behind my original schedule by one week.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
rekindling the romance between me and my thesis
i just read this great essay called "Reading Asian American Poetry" by Juliana Chang. Her esssay really helped me think not only about poetry but all art forms created by marginalized people. this is just what i needed to read to get me through one or two more lesson plans. (hopefully i will read something equally wonderful on Saturday so I'll be able to finish by Monday.) Here are my notes on the reading for my lesson plan. there is a definite deconstruction of multiculturalism in this reading that i really appreciate. i want to read more about and from David Palumbo-Liu, who until today i don't think i've ever heard of.
Reading Asian American Poetry by Juliana Chang
-Audre Lorde argues that poetry is not a luxury. “Of all art forms, poetry is the most economical. It is the one which is the most secret, which requires the least physical labor, the least material, and the one which can be done between shifts, in the hospital pantry, on the subway, and on scraps of surplus paper.”
History of Asian American poetry
-Ethnic poetry in the 1960s and 1970s can be viewed as a “racial project” creating links between cultural representation, racial inequity, and racialized empowerment. The late 70s and 80s there was a shift from poetry to prose.
-Asian American poetry dates back to 1890s. Japanese folksong-derived plantations worksongs, Cantonese rhymes in Chinatown, poems carved into the walls of Angel Island.
-Despite the long history of Asian American poetry, it is marginalized by Asian American literary critics and mainstream critics.
How is Asian American poetry is received?
-Poems are considered lyric and private, not public or social even though in the 1960s and 1970s poetry was often oral and performative (public). Chang argues that poetry, not just the novel, can be read as dialogic and heteroglossic (Bhaktin & the novel as genre).
-Rendering poetry as private v. public gives the perception that poetry has less social relevance. The perceived private nature of poetry also makes it seem inaccessible or difficult to comprehend.
-When poetry is perceived as public:
-Artists must deal with the “burden of representation” and the gaze of a white audience.
-Runs the risk of being co-opted by “liberal multiculturalism”. David Palumbo-Liu says that liberal multiculturalism is a “mode of managing a crisis of race, ethnicity, gender, and labor in the First World and its relations with the Third.” Ethnic texts become stand-ins/ proxies for people of color.
-Palumbo-Liu says a critical multiculturalist practice would examine the “rough grains of political history” and its maintenance of inequity.
-Chang writes, “The reader attains the enlightenment of cross-cultural understanding, which s/he imagines as both enabled by and contributing to such a democratic pluralism. Potential social conflicts and tensions are presumably smoothed over in these literary encounters. “
-When poetry by people of color is accepted by mainstream society, then it is seen as a success for high culture. Standards for “good poetry” become universal. The accepted writer transcends race and color; the racial other has been civilized.
(How can Asian American poetry resist being appropriated by hegemonic narratives?)
-Depoliticized poetry is perceived as more authentic than prose. Mainstream readers witness a moment of “cultural authenticity.” Poems that may deal with claiming America are read as wanting to have membership of a white America/ dominant culture.
(How can Asian American writers/ people claim America in a counterhegemonic fashion? “How might we re-vision the United States in ways that interrupt the racist and imperialist ideologies of dominant ‘Americanism’?”)
What does this mean?
-Chang argues, “The project of reading Asian American poetry assumes the significance of ensuring that linguistic and cultural cracks and fissures do not get smoothed over in culturalist readings and containments of dissent.”
-Proposes reading poetry that highlights disruptions of meaning and space (Does this remind you of Bhabha?)
Reading Asian American Poetry by Juliana Chang
-Audre Lorde argues that poetry is not a luxury. “Of all art forms, poetry is the most economical. It is the one which is the most secret, which requires the least physical labor, the least material, and the one which can be done between shifts, in the hospital pantry, on the subway, and on scraps of surplus paper.”
History of Asian American poetry
-Ethnic poetry in the 1960s and 1970s can be viewed as a “racial project” creating links between cultural representation, racial inequity, and racialized empowerment. The late 70s and 80s there was a shift from poetry to prose.
-Asian American poetry dates back to 1890s. Japanese folksong-derived plantations worksongs, Cantonese rhymes in Chinatown, poems carved into the walls of Angel Island.
-Despite the long history of Asian American poetry, it is marginalized by Asian American literary critics and mainstream critics.
How is Asian American poetry is received?
-Poems are considered lyric and private, not public or social even though in the 1960s and 1970s poetry was often oral and performative (public). Chang argues that poetry, not just the novel, can be read as dialogic and heteroglossic (Bhaktin & the novel as genre).
-Rendering poetry as private v. public gives the perception that poetry has less social relevance. The perceived private nature of poetry also makes it seem inaccessible or difficult to comprehend.
-When poetry is perceived as public:
-Artists must deal with the “burden of representation” and the gaze of a white audience.
-Runs the risk of being co-opted by “liberal multiculturalism”. David Palumbo-Liu says that liberal multiculturalism is a “mode of managing a crisis of race, ethnicity, gender, and labor in the First World and its relations with the Third.” Ethnic texts become stand-ins/ proxies for people of color.
-Palumbo-Liu says a critical multiculturalist practice would examine the “rough grains of political history” and its maintenance of inequity.
-Chang writes, “The reader attains the enlightenment of cross-cultural understanding, which s/he imagines as both enabled by and contributing to such a democratic pluralism. Potential social conflicts and tensions are presumably smoothed over in these literary encounters. “
-When poetry by people of color is accepted by mainstream society, then it is seen as a success for high culture. Standards for “good poetry” become universal. The accepted writer transcends race and color; the racial other has been civilized.
(How can Asian American poetry resist being appropriated by hegemonic narratives?)
-Depoliticized poetry is perceived as more authentic than prose. Mainstream readers witness a moment of “cultural authenticity.” Poems that may deal with claiming America are read as wanting to have membership of a white America/ dominant culture.
(How can Asian American writers/ people claim America in a counterhegemonic fashion? “How might we re-vision the United States in ways that interrupt the racist and imperialist ideologies of dominant ‘Americanism’?”)
What does this mean?
-Chang argues, “The project of reading Asian American poetry assumes the significance of ensuring that linguistic and cultural cracks and fissures do not get smoothed over in culturalist readings and containments of dissent.”
-Proposes reading poetry that highlights disruptions of meaning and space (Does this remind you of Bhabha?)
humble pie
so i keep hearing from people that i need to take time off from work to focus and finish my thesis. i already decided a while ago to take about 8 work days off to finish up my thesis in late april. three days ago i thought, "what if i can't finish everything in those days?" then i panicked. lately i have left 2 of my four schools to my interns. i thought this would give me time to work on my thesis, but on those days i go into the office to catch up on office work and planning for a big field trip. my boss keeps telling me to take time off; she actually encourages it. yesterday i realized there is no reason for me to not do so. according to my last time sheet i have over 400 hours of vacation time/ sick leave/ and comp time (overtime i've worked that converts to vacation time, not money). with 400 hours, why am i still on the fence?
actually, i am no longer on the fence. today i decided to work four days a week for the next two weeks and see where i can go from there. how did i come to this monumental decision?
1. i realized that i only complete about 80-90% of what i need to do in a 40-hour week. well i knew this before and that's why i didn't want to take time off in the first place. i already feel behind and working 4 days will put me even more behind. what changed my mind? the amount of work we have to do is infinite. i will never finish it (mainly b/c the expectations are unrealistic). my thesis however is finite. there is an end and if i squint hard enough i can see the end! i may as well concentrate on what i can finish and let the rest pile up.
2. i didn't want to take time off b/c i was too proud to admit that i cannot work a 40-hour week and go to school full time, at least not while writing my thesis. unfortunately i am not superwoman.
3. i didn't want people at work to think that i was slacking or not contributing enough. screw that. i do a lot at my damn job and if those bastards can't see it well... actually i don't know what to say here. but for real, who else can you ask at like 7:30 saturday morning to lead a campus tour at 9:30?
4. Finally, i realized that my perception of work is influenced by my parents. i grew up w/ parents who when self-employed worked 60-hour weeks, no vacations. even as employees of other people, they rarely take time off. family vacations? on the first day of school, the elaborate family vacations i reported to my class were all made up*. the one time we actually took a vacation we went camping in Yosemite. too bad i only knew the way my parents pronounced it "yo-seh-mee-teh". my teacher was like huh?! anyway, i think my parents' work habits really rubbed off on me. it seems very luxurious to take time off whenever i want/ need. deep down inside i am still struggling w/ my entrance into the middle class. it's embarrassing. i feel like by taking my time off, my working class roots, which i think have given me a lot of positive attributes, are losing hold. actually this is something that i have struggled with since sophomore year of college. privilege is hard to accept. i know though that my parents would slap me upside the head and tell me to take time off and graduate on time. they bust their butts and backs for me and my sis. it's prolly insulting and mindblowing to them when we don't take hold over everything we have that they don't.
so? next tuesday i am officially taking a day off! i'll prolly just call in sick, but i'm excited. my four day weeks did come a little late though. i have a self-imposed deadline of having my curriculum done by monday. (yikes!!) tuesday will give me time to do write up an eval sheet for my curriculum and send it out to folks. maybe in two months i'll be hooded!
* i actually spent a lot of my youth making stuff up. i.e. Daily Journal (please write in cursive): What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Answer: "This morning I ate cereal, pancakes with blueberriese and syrub, scrambled eggs, bacon, and grapefruit. i also drank milk and orange juice." what did i really eat in the mornings? leftover rice and kimchee stew. but TV shows that whole spread for American breakfasts! my teacher must have been like, "how does this lil chinese girl eat all that food?! " Homework: Draw your Family tree. I'd ask my dad what harubjee's name was and my dad would be like "why do you need to know his name?" "it's for homework" to this day i still don't know the names of any of my grandparents. what would i turn in for homework? grandpa joe & grandma sarah, grandad bob & grandmom sally. obviously, school alienated me from my family life.
actually, i am no longer on the fence. today i decided to work four days a week for the next two weeks and see where i can go from there. how did i come to this monumental decision?
1. i realized that i only complete about 80-90% of what i need to do in a 40-hour week. well i knew this before and that's why i didn't want to take time off in the first place. i already feel behind and working 4 days will put me even more behind. what changed my mind? the amount of work we have to do is infinite. i will never finish it (mainly b/c the expectations are unrealistic). my thesis however is finite. there is an end and if i squint hard enough i can see the end! i may as well concentrate on what i can finish and let the rest pile up.
2. i didn't want to take time off b/c i was too proud to admit that i cannot work a 40-hour week and go to school full time, at least not while writing my thesis. unfortunately i am not superwoman.
3. i didn't want people at work to think that i was slacking or not contributing enough. screw that. i do a lot at my damn job and if those bastards can't see it well... actually i don't know what to say here. but for real, who else can you ask at like 7:30 saturday morning to lead a campus tour at 9:30?
4. Finally, i realized that my perception of work is influenced by my parents. i grew up w/ parents who when self-employed worked 60-hour weeks, no vacations. even as employees of other people, they rarely take time off. family vacations? on the first day of school, the elaborate family vacations i reported to my class were all made up*. the one time we actually took a vacation we went camping in Yosemite. too bad i only knew the way my parents pronounced it "yo-seh-mee-teh". my teacher was like huh?! anyway, i think my parents' work habits really rubbed off on me. it seems very luxurious to take time off whenever i want/ need. deep down inside i am still struggling w/ my entrance into the middle class. it's embarrassing. i feel like by taking my time off, my working class roots, which i think have given me a lot of positive attributes, are losing hold. actually this is something that i have struggled with since sophomore year of college. privilege is hard to accept. i know though that my parents would slap me upside the head and tell me to take time off and graduate on time. they bust their butts and backs for me and my sis. it's prolly insulting and mindblowing to them when we don't take hold over everything we have that they don't.
so? next tuesday i am officially taking a day off! i'll prolly just call in sick, but i'm excited. my four day weeks did come a little late though. i have a self-imposed deadline of having my curriculum done by monday. (yikes!!) tuesday will give me time to do write up an eval sheet for my curriculum and send it out to folks. maybe in two months i'll be hooded!
* i actually spent a lot of my youth making stuff up. i.e. Daily Journal (please write in cursive): What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Answer: "This morning I ate cereal, pancakes with blueberriese and syrub, scrambled eggs, bacon, and grapefruit. i also drank milk and orange juice." what did i really eat in the mornings? leftover rice and kimchee stew. but TV shows that whole spread for American breakfasts! my teacher must have been like, "how does this lil chinese girl eat all that food?! " Homework: Draw your Family tree. I'd ask my dad what harubjee's name was and my dad would be like "why do you need to know his name?" "it's for homework" to this day i still don't know the names of any of my grandparents. what would i turn in for homework? grandpa joe & grandma sarah, grandad bob & grandmom sally. obviously, school alienated me from my family life.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Write a sentence using the following words
Please use each of the following words in a sentence (not a sentence that is defining the word though)
Hegemony
Marginalize/ Marginalization
Orientalism/ Orientalist
Silence & Voice (both of these in one sentence or in two related sentences)
Power
Agency
Hybridity
don't use all of these words in one sentence. one word per sentence please. thanks!
Hegemony
Marginalize/ Marginalization
Orientalism/ Orientalist
Silence & Voice (both of these in one sentence or in two related sentences)
Power
Agency
Hybridity
don't use all of these words in one sentence. one word per sentence please. thanks!
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Stalker
I can't get away from my damn thesis! When i'm not working on it, i'm thinking about it. When i sleep or nap, i dream about my thesis. they're not even normal dreams like i'm working on it or i miss a deadline. i just have a list of all these things i still need to do running through my head on repeat. how am i supposed to get rest from that!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Saturday, February 18, 2006
scratch scratch part deux
okay... so my rash... i went to kaiser and found out my rash is rare for young people to get. basically it's common among people over sixty years of age. it is def a result of an immune system that was weakened due to stress. i'm in A LOT of pain. this rash is not just itchy, but also burns like hell. basically it feels like i ahve 500 needles being poked into my skin (a patch of about six sq inches) with superbad sunburn that someone is slapping... it sucks. the rash will be there for 2-4 weeks and i might still ahve the pain after the rash goes away. i'm really sad. i feel so weak that my body would break down like this because of stress. the last three times i've been to the doctor they've diagnosed whatever i had as a result of stress.
anyway, i did all my faciliation questions for Dictee!!! YAY! i'm extremely satisfied w/ my facilitation questions and my pedagogy. basically, my method of faciliation matches the form of the book. it's kinda hard to explain without knowing the book, but i will share them with you in class. i'm so proud of myself.
anyway, i did all my faciliation questions for Dictee!!! YAY! i'm extremely satisfied w/ my facilitation questions and my pedagogy. basically, my method of faciliation matches the form of the book. it's kinda hard to explain without knowing the book, but i will share them with you in class. i'm so proud of myself.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
scratch scratch
i have a rash. i know that sounds gross. it is gross actually, but it's not from bad hygiene or anything, just stress. :(
anyway, i'm planning on spending Friday night working on my thesis. i know this sounds boring, but i'm actually excited to have time to do some work. i've had some exciting ideas and a want to do research (!), unfortunately, everytime i think i'll have time to do school work, work work intervenes. I'm hoping to have two additional lesson plans by monday evening
also, i got some hot curriculum for on social justice issues that i'm going to use this summer w/ my students..... :)
-- -- -- --
frusterated as shit with Richmond HS. i'm recruiting for EAOP... trying to boost by 150 kids to 500 kids. yeah right. anyway, 7 potential students i spoke it are still stuck in ELD 5, despite having A- or better in their English 1 or 2 course, scoring in the 75% or higher on standarized tests, and already passing the damn CAHSEE. COME ON!!! it doesn't help that 5 of the 7 kids are undocumented, so you already know that parents are not gonna make a fuss to the counselors and teachers. i'm slowly finding the advocates on campus and hoping they can help me with these students (the counselors at RHS, don't talk to me and are dismissive of me)
-- -- -- --
i was at el cerrito high on tuesday, my first day at the school since the Friday night stabbing of a former ECHS student. out of 100 people at the party, still nobody has come forward to identify or even descrive the killer. tuesday at ECHS was strange. it was business as usual, actually more celebratory b/c of valentines day. in my past year and a half in this district, every time a student/ former student has been murdered (i think 6 times?) there have been memorial posters, reward posters, Tshirts, etc. i saw nothing on tuesday. i'm unsure why this murder is different.
anyway, i'm planning on spending Friday night working on my thesis. i know this sounds boring, but i'm actually excited to have time to do some work. i've had some exciting ideas and a want to do research (!), unfortunately, everytime i think i'll have time to do school work, work work intervenes. I'm hoping to have two additional lesson plans by monday evening
also, i got some hot curriculum for on social justice issues that i'm going to use this summer w/ my students..... :)
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frusterated as shit with Richmond HS. i'm recruiting for EAOP... trying to boost by 150 kids to 500 kids. yeah right. anyway, 7 potential students i spoke it are still stuck in ELD 5, despite having A- or better in their English 1 or 2 course, scoring in the 75% or higher on standarized tests, and already passing the damn CAHSEE. COME ON!!! it doesn't help that 5 of the 7 kids are undocumented, so you already know that parents are not gonna make a fuss to the counselors and teachers. i'm slowly finding the advocates on campus and hoping they can help me with these students (the counselors at RHS, don't talk to me and are dismissive of me)
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i was at el cerrito high on tuesday, my first day at the school since the Friday night stabbing of a former ECHS student. out of 100 people at the party, still nobody has come forward to identify or even descrive the killer. tuesday at ECHS was strange. it was business as usual, actually more celebratory b/c of valentines day. in my past year and a half in this district, every time a student/ former student has been murdered (i think 6 times?) there have been memorial posters, reward posters, Tshirts, etc. i saw nothing on tuesday. i'm unsure why this murder is different.
Monday, February 13, 2006
monday monday
i really don't know what the hell is going on with my students... Beyond senioritis, some are dealing with drug abuse, abortion, homelessness, and depression as a result of past sexual abuse. Many have stopped going to class and are about to fail a few classes. it sounds really crappy to be like, "well don't forget you need to keep your grades up for colleges!" but i have to. they all want to go to college so freaking bad(ly). I'm trying to find a better directory of mental health services in West Contra Costa. most of the services at their schools suck and sometimes aren't culturally sensitive. Asian Mental Health Services has been a great referral, but i need to find some resources in the latino and black community. lemme know if you got some...
i also didn't go to class today. too tired. last week i had a slight breakdown. i don't know why. i went into my sister's room and started crying about work and school. i don't know why i was crying though. at that point i really wanted to quit school. i'm trying to be motivated to go to do my work. i did one lesson plan this past week so i did something. also, i did have an exciting idea for my thesis. it's actually not my idea at all. it's from an undergrad class i took in education. we're gonna come up with our own accountability shit. this worked really well as part of community building.
my ed folks: I need facilitation stuff on popular eduation, articles on the Asian American movement/ Asian American historiography, more lit from SEA, SA, LGBTQ, mixed race writers.
i need more lit... i was thinking of leaving 2-3 books unplanned/ unassigned for folks to decide as a class?
i'm so glad i'm exempt from the protocal. i was checkin out Rom's forms and it's crazy anal.
i also didn't go to class today. too tired. last week i had a slight breakdown. i don't know why. i went into my sister's room and started crying about work and school. i don't know why i was crying though. at that point i really wanted to quit school. i'm trying to be motivated to go to do my work. i did one lesson plan this past week so i did something. also, i did have an exciting idea for my thesis. it's actually not my idea at all. it's from an undergrad class i took in education. we're gonna come up with our own accountability shit. this worked really well as part of community building.
my ed folks: I need facilitation stuff on popular eduation, articles on the Asian American movement/ Asian American historiography, more lit from SEA, SA, LGBTQ, mixed race writers.
i need more lit... i was thinking of leaving 2-3 books unplanned/ unassigned for folks to decide as a class?
i'm so glad i'm exempt from the protocal. i was checkin out Rom's forms and it's crazy anal.
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