Damn Bay Area

I've been swamped with work, work, and sickness so it's been a while since I've blogged...

Quick post:
I love the Bay Area. After 18 years in conservative San Diego and beginnning my 7th year in the Bay, hands down the Bay wins for many, many reasons. Because of my diehard love of the Bay, it makes me really sad when my Bay Area bubble pops.

Despite its reputation as embracing "diversity" and "culture" , there is a shitload of closet white racist liberals living in the Bay. Usually, I can feel it out in bits and pieces... a few comments here, a few comments there. People who pararde around as liberal but secretly hate people of color or liberal folks who are politically motivated by condescending and ignorant rationale.

One of the best online places to witness such beahavior is Craigslist , specifically on rants and raves. For example, last year when a young black woman slashed the throat of an elderly white woman in North Berkeley, this page was filled with comments such as "This is what happens when you let n****** go free" or "Those people are such savages. They should stick to killing each other" or "Lynch that fucking n******"

Confession: I read Celebrity Dish on SFGate.

Anyway, on today's Dish there's a mini-headline that reads: Jolie Criticized by Black Rights Groups. It begins with:

The casting of Angelina Jolie as the mixed-race wife of late journalist Daniel Pearl in the new movie "A Mighty Heart" has been heavily criticized by black rights groups.

Make-up artists are believed to have used special cosmetics to darken the star's skin to match that of Mariane Pearl -- but campaigners believe a real-life mixed-race actress should have been given the part.

Some blog comments read, "This is the most ridiculous thing I have heard since from them since reparations."
"blacks are always crying... get over it and fix your neighborhoods. thanks."
"actually i think the concept/term of "white privilege" is the most stupid thing i have heard since reparations. your alleged oppression and "white privilege" are figments of your wild imagination and are used only as excuses to make you feel better about yourself and that's sad and pathetic. "
"Guess what? I'm Jewish, you don't want me to start whining about what happened to the Jews now do you??? No, I choose not to whine, I choose to move on with my life REGARDLESS of what happened to my ancestors. I choose to make MY life MY own and do what I need to do to make myself happy in life, not sit back and ask for handouts and expect others to do it for me, thats all."
And of course stupid comparisons to J. Lo playing an Irish person, skinny people getting fat for fat roles, and hallie berry playing roles written for white folks.

I do not have the energy or the want to break this down. I will leave it at this: Damn. Haters.

Stoopid

Today's SFGate has an article entitled Same Sex Marriage Foes Says Divorces Prove Their Point
Here is an excerpt:

Two of the highest-profile same-sex couples in the country split up this summer, and their breakups immediately became fodder for opponents of such unions.

Julie and Hillary Goodridge, the named plaintiffs in the Massachusetts case that legalized same-sex marriage in that state as of 2004, announced in July that they had separated after two decades together. And in August, Carolyn Conrad and Kathleen Peterson, who entered into the nation's first same-sex civil union after five years together, ended it.

"The separation of Julie and Hillary Goodridge is tragic not only for their daughter," the Rev. Lou Sheldon of the Traditional Values Coalition said in a statement released the day after the couple confirmed the separation. "But ... they have clearly shown just how little they value the institution of marriage and provide a chilling look into what our nation faces if homosexual marriage is legalized elsewhere."

Something tells me that Rev. Sheldon doesn't believe that the "chilling" divorce rate of heterosexual marriages is a call to halt male/female marriages as well.

adding fuel to the fire? Red Doors

inspired by Gar's post about the movie Red Doors by Georgia Lee. Lee's come under some fire from some ppl for having a movie w/ 3 asian american sisters who all have white male love interests (i think). BTW gar, in my post i use "your" or "you" a lot, but that does not equal Gar, it's a general "you".

let me start by saying:
-I am an APA woman who finds APA men extremely sexy and lovable.
-It makes me really disgusted when i hear APA women say "i can't date an asian guy b/c it would be like kissing my brother" i think to myself, wow, you must also subscribe to the idea that all asians look alike b/c you can't tell your brother part from another APA man!
-I live in the Bay where yellow fever is rampant and often get annoyed by its huge presence. i try not to, but i def sometimes maddog these couples. (I *really* try to stop doing that)

back to red doors
i have not seen it or really followed the back and forth too closely. i did read michael kang's post on it. i ONLY read kang's post and Gar's post. i did not read all those comments on Kang's blog. here is an excerpt from kang: "Georgia didn't grow up in a predominately Asian community. She grew up in an upper-middle class suburb of Connecticutt. She probably didn't have much exposure to Asian men in her love life growing up. For her to write a story about these three sisters in relationships with Asian boys would have been false. She stuck by the old adage that you write what you know. When I see Red Doors, I believe she knows this material inside and out."

not only is this part of Georgia's reality, but also the reality of many many APA women and men (including myself up to age 17). that story deserves to be told as much as anyone elses (even if you think it doesn't further your APA agenda)

i often think about the large burden that artists of color are expected bear. it's not fair of communities of color to expect artists to dismantle negative images in all of their projects. when i think about supporting APA artists, yes, i def throw my support behind those whom i feel create new and refreshing representations of APAs, particularly those that fit in w/ my political agenda. HOWEVER, one of my many hopes for the APA community is not so focused on dismantling negative images of APAs but providing a diverse and complex representations of our experiences, INCLUDING white male/ asian female loving. mores stories, more voices right? we are not homogenous, our experiences certainly are not.

hopefully, Georgia's characters are complex. i know if i watch red doors, i will have to really try and remove my automatic dislike of white-on-rice to see if the characters are multi-dimensional, if the film is beautiful, if the story is solid, etc etc. my political beef on APA male representation can play a role in how I recieve the film, but hopefully it will not be the only role.

another thing i want to say is that APA men can be the harshest critics when it comes to this shit. for those of you who don't know why, i'm not going to take the time to explain it right now. anyway, i get frustrated b/c implicit in getting upset over asian female/ white male couples is that it becomes framed w/in ethnicity and sexuality (demasculinizing APA men, right?). however, SOMETIMES IT'S JUST AN ISSUE OF PATRIARCHY! it becomes a competition of ownership. "Who can legitimatley own APA women?"

last thoughts?
this issue will always depress me. the outrage over representations of APAs can seem so silly to people on the outside, but it is def grounded in a sociohistorical context AND of course it affects our everyday lives. no doubt, it is very personal. it sickens me that there are so few APA artists/ writers/ filmmakers who are given acccess to resources, publicity, acceptance, etc that we must staunchly defend/ defeat them because the artists are not making an image that is palatable for our community. it's like we get someone and we have to immediately assess "For or Against"? because there's so few in the first place! FUCK MAN. you know white folks don't ever get slammed for showing trailer trash or their suburban counterparts. it's hard enough to break out and decide to follow your heart and your art, then get funding, then get publicity, and then also have to please all APAs? come on, now.

here are some related thoughts: on black male/ asian female relationships (an old post of mine)

Righteous Bastard

today i was in a store when I overheard this woman ask a store worker where she could find a particular item. The worker, a Latino man, said "Go to the pharmacy" in an accented voice. The woman starts working toward the pharmacy (and behind me)and mutters "Get some fucking English under your belt!" *sigh* I turned around and gave her this incredulous look. She stared back at me puzzled. My mind was buzzing. i was so disgusted by her xenophobic words. my stomach was churning. i thought about my parents and all the people that remind me of my parents. i seriously wanted to throw up... I had so much I wanted to say to her, so much that i couldn't straighten out my thoughts. i couldn't get anything out of my mouth except, "Well, maybe you should move out of California." Right. It was neither the most articulate or even pointed statement I could have made, but it was what came out of my mouth*. Anyway, her response was, "I've lived in California my entire life!" Then she quickly scurried away.

I was in fucking OAKLAND. I was so pissed off. I tried to continue my shopping but was so angry that i almost started crying in the store.

anyway, 6 hours later i'm still thinking about this fucking woman and my stupid ass response. what do you do in that angry moment? what can you really say? i know i could have said something far more clever or thought provoking than " Maybe you should move out of California" but even then, what would i have achieved? there is nothing i could have said in the passing moment to make that woman rethink her racist comment. what's the point in even saying something in that situation?


________
*admittedly, a part of me was trying to gauge if this woman would try and start a physical fight with me or would just use words. she was kinda big. i'm kinda small.

J-5

Last night I went to see X-Clan and Jurassic 5 at the Fillmore. The audience was the whitest audience I have ever seen at a hip hop show. Every show I have been to white folks have been probably been the majority. Last night, however, the place was lily white.

When X-Clan opened, I could not stop looking at the audience. There were couples doing some serious bumping and grinding to songs like “Raise the Flag” and “Xodus” What must it be like to be militant and Afrocentric and perform to an audience with only a sprinkling of black folks? How/ Does the performance change when your audience changes?

Anyways, here are some other, non-related comments about the show:
-I love Chali 2na
-I hate when people can’t control their highs in public places
-I saw this nasty couple who were literally digging their fingers into each other’s butt cracks
-I love my poster

harrassment

Today I was harassed. Again.

I won’t go into the details of today, and actually in comparison to other things that have happened to me, this is probably an average form of harassment. Regardless, I feel compelled to write about this.

As a middle-class woman who has a roof over her head*, the degree of harassment I experience most likely pales in comparison to what many other women experience. Despite this, the powerlessness I feel when I am harassed does not change. It suffocates me, arrests me, and infuriates me.

Every time I share these experiences, I am told, “This always happens to you” or “You’re the only person I know who goes through this.”* I’m not sure why this is. I don’t dress sexy (of course even if I did, I STILL shouldn’t have to deal w/ this shit), stare at men and slowly lick my lips, or “accidentally” drop my wallet and bend over in an obscene fashion. Fuck, I’m not even hot. If anything, I’m sort of Hello Kitty-cute. People even tell me I remind them of cartoon characters or that I look like I’m in 8th grade. So, WTF? Sorry, that was a rant.

I remember the first time I was sexually harassed. I was four. The next significant time was when I was 12. Then I had several experiences in college. When I was 4 and when I was 12, I didn’t feel powerless. Just confused and embarrassed. It was when I hit college that I started to feel stripped and lost. In college I had two experiences that I would consider to be pretty major forms of harassment. In between those “big” incidents, I’ve had kind of the run-of-the-mill experiences. Men who were too aggressive in trying to get my number, piercing looks, catcalls on my way to work, innuendo at work, etc. No matter what happened, I felt the same the way. I don’t know how to take back my power.

Because of my family history, I grew up with a critical class-consciousness. Class was primarily on my mind. Class trumped gender; class trumped race. When I started college, however, I became very aware of the intersecting nature of my sexuality, my gender, and my race. I think this is partly why I am so sensitive now. When things happen to me, I may or may not reflect and connect it to my race, class, gender, etc and examine the intricacies in the exchange. Regardless, there is always this initial gut feeling. I get pulled out of my relatively privileged life, my bubble, and get reminded that to mostly everyone else, I am “just” a woman of color.

_______________________________
* my former best friend actually had the nerve to say that it was Karma. That fucker, blaming the victim!

Black Men, Asian Women

I'm a fan of ColorLines magazine but have a hard time digesting an article by Rinku Sen entitled Black men, Asian Women. Sen writes about the growing trend of Asian female/black male relationships. As with most articles that discuss the bodies of Asian American women Sen turns to Darrell Hamamoto* for some words of wisdom. Here is an excerpt: "He [Hamamoto] asserts that the U.S. military draws large numbers of Black men looking for a ladder to the middle class, whose status changes when they go abroad. These men see Asian women as subjects of the American—and, by implication, their own—empire.

“This trend is rooted with American colonialism and occupation. Material and historical forces shape these relationships,”said Hamamoto. “You have three, four, five generations of African-American men who have served oversees in Asia, whose experience with Asian women has been pretty intense in a foreign land where they are treated not as subordinate people but as superior Americans.”

Um okay. First of all, I am so SICK and TIRED of having my body and sex written about. This is not to say that I think articles/ discussions such as these should not be had, I just feel... stuck? i'm not sure what the right word is. Anyway... So when I am already a bit tired of reading about Asian American women's bodies, sex, and relationships it really irks me that hamamoto aka "i want to start an asian american sex revolution to reclaim asian men's sexuality/ reclaim asian women" is talking about this stuff.

So back to Hamamoto's quote. I don't agree that black GIs' status dramatically changes when they go abroad. Even if some Asian people exalt "Americans" there is still a clear understanding that Black is second (or third) class in the U.S. racial order. My dad remembers the black GI who taught English in their Korean classroom as a "nice man." he continued to say that it wasn't until he came to the U.S. that he started stereotyping black people. my dad's conclusion was basically, "American media is full of negative images of black people. when i came to the U.S. then i started thinking bad things about black people. Even now in Korea people look down on black Americans beecause that's what they learn to do from watching American movies." (i do know however that black folks are "in vogue" in some parts of asia)

Plus, that does not explain why Asian American women are CHOOSING to be with black men. Black men can't just make Asian/ Asian American women into the building blocks of their "empire." Yes, military occupation and neo-colonization have led to many War Brides, post-War brides, etc. but what about my generation of U.S.-born APA women who don't need a marriage visa? The Asian Woman/ White Man arguments of women trying to "move up" or wanting to assimilate don't neatly transfer to Asian Woman/ Black Man combo. our internally colonized minds equate white not black with American, prosperous, moving on up, etc.

Sen does briefly mention that perhaps the flipside of the Whoriental aka Dragon Lady is the sexually inexperienced Asian woman who would want to pair herself with "the most sexualized actors in American culture." or perhaps asian women who won't get with a yellow brother (the most asexual actor in American culture) would choose to be the most sexualized actor in American culture.

kate rigg says: "It would be a big turn-on for an Asian girl or guy to be with people who have been more successful in asserting their rights,” said Rigg. “This is a case of like likes like. A Black person is less likely to be as racist as a white person when it comes to dating an Asian girl. And a Black person might not feel as oppressed as they would by a white person in their family structure.”

does a black man turn me on b/c i see him as a big F-you to The Man? probably not, but okay kate rigg. am i turned on by activist men? yes. does black=activist? no. also, i think an asian woman who has the hots for activists would know that asians and asian americans have played an important role in access to rights as well. Lau v Nichols and bilingual education? Wong Kim Ark & citizenship? Property rights in Fujii Sei v State of California? just because we're still taught in a black/white paradigm doesn't mean we don't know our yellow history! j/k... kinda... (interestingly enough, i think most AsAm contributions or contestations were done through the legal system, or at least that method is best documented. that probably reflects on some larger belief on the goodness of the nation-state).

also, i have heard horror stories and of course have my own about Asian daughters w/ black boyfriends, rigg needs to rething her idea that black folks don't feel as oppressed by asian families. i personally don't know any asian women who's parents have opened their homes to black boyfriends. there is definitely a racial-dating hierarchy at play in asian families that is probably different in nature but equally horrific as that in white families.


anyways, i guess what i'm saying is that it is problematic to assume that the power issues in the Asian woman/white man phenomena can be transferred onto asian woman/ black man relationship's (Hamamoto's main argument). or that the near absence of power is what makes these relationships possible (Rigg). are there powers at play? of course? what are they? hey, i'm just here to deconstruct the argument. oh how po-mo of me!

p.s.
I actually like Ross' observation: “I’m not sure that African-American men have been involved in sexual relationships with Asian women in that context any more than white men; it’s just that when African-American men are doing it, it gets noticed more." word.

p.p.s.
just in case you don't know, i'm not one of those women who are like "my love exists in a vacuum and is unaffected by power that is raced/gendered/classed/ etc" i'm not saying this issue is stupid, i just think the arguments resemble swiss cheese.

*Hamamoto is an Asian American Studies Professor at UC Davis. In the late 90s he wrote "The Joy Fuck Club: Prolegomenon to an Asian American Porno Practice." In this article he basically argues that there needs to be an Asian American porn movement to help APA men reclaim their sexual identities (Asian American, not Asian). Pretty interesting article, obviously problematic as well. A few years later he actually directs an Asian American porn called "Skin to Skin" featuring a nervous Korean American neophyte male and a Cambodian-Thai American female porn star. "Master's of the Pillow", a documentary on the filming of this porn tours the film festival circuit along with Hamamoto's DISTURBING short entitled YELLOWCAUST: A Patriot Act? (basically an abridged version of his porn w/ scrolling text abt US imperialism in Asia. come to your own conclusion here. ) When asked at a screeing by an audience member why there was no use of condom's in his porn, Hamamoto answered he made an artistic decision to omit condom use. granted the documentary showed the two getting tested for HIV, but that can take a while to show up. the lack of existing sexual health education in asian american communitities made this particularly disturbing. i'm just scratching the surface here.