my new toy

i'm blogging from my new 13" mac book! frivolous purchase? i'm not so sure. previously i was using a powerbook that belonged to my work. my old imac has been superslow (it's almost 5 years old) so i moved all my files onto my powerbook and use it as my primary computer. at first i was excited cuz i had this sleek powerbook at my disposal. now i realize, however, that it meant all my personal files and work files were always with me. being the anal person i am, this meant i was working on my work at home all the time! my 13' widescreen macbook is my first attempt at trying to leave work at work... (i hope it works!)

brief review (i really don't know much about computers): so far i like my machine (the 30 minutes i've been on it). i definitely am still getting used the keyboard (the buttons are spaced out a little bit) and don't like that the keyboard is not lighted like my powerbook. i definitely like that the casing is not aluminum. the aluminum looks sleek and sexy but honestly, my powerbook has been dropped several times and is dented all over the place). so i'll settle for the white plastic casing. i'm not going to lie. i was tempted to purchase the macbook PRO for the lighted keyboard and the hot aluminum but i'm not about to shell out 400 bucks for that! the mac book also does not have a latch as a opening which is awesome! i don't like that the ac adapter has changed from the ibook/ powerbook. this will make it very difficult to borrow other mac user's ac adapters. BUT what is nice about the charger is that there it comes with an extension so you can have the option to make it long, but don't have to carry it around w you all the time. also, the power cord is magnetic, so it snaps right into place!

after i transfer ALL my files from my powerbook to my macbook via firewire (i LOVE firewire!) and use this sucker a bit more, i will probably write a new review (although it will be just as inarticulate and un-techy as the above!).

lastly, this was an awesome deal! after i bought it i wondered if i just bought the computer cuz the salesman was fine. the i realized that i was thinking of buying it for 20 minutes before we entered the store anyway. it was really a sweet deal. it's $1099 plus a free ipod nano ($179- we actually went to the apple store specifically to buy a nano) plus a $50 educator discount, plus a free $100 printer! i gave the nano to my sister (cuz she was going to buy one anyway). also, you can get the Office package for educators/ students at a savings of $50 (i'm getting my office installed from work though)... i was also checking out the new ipods cuz mine is 4 years old and only has 4 hours of battery life, but this should suffice for now!

the best students ever!

This summer I’m in the advisor for 25 of the 200 students in our summer program. I facilitate a “homeroom” that has tutoring (w/ 3 tutors) and a series of workshops to help students build a college resource binder and portfolio. I’m trying to utilize something called “bspace”, which is Berkeley’s version of blackboard. I love bspace. I’ve set up a resources page that has financial aid links, college links, and “cool stuff” which has links to youth programs in the Bay Area. There’s a wiki feature so we can make a college-wiki (COOL!). Of course, there’s also a discussion feature. I’m having my students log onto our bspace site at least twice a week for the discussion/ posting homework. Turns out 5 of my 25 students don’t have internet or email. I’ve resolved the problem by bringing my laptop to homeroom so they can log on during homeroom. Students can also use the computers on campus or at our office. Access is one thing, literacy is another. It took one of my students 2 minutes to properly type in the URL, then another 5 minutes to type in his 1 sentence response to my discussion question. I actually left in the middle of his 5 minutes, returned to find another student typing for him! I made him delete his answer and retype it.

I felt kind of harsh making him start over. I’m stuck between wanting to push him to be comfortable w/ computers (he’s about to start 11th grade) but also being sympathetic and understanding of his situation (which is def reflective of his family’s income and his school). I’m really scared of alienating him and the other students by using bspace but feel that part of helping them prepare for college is having them use the internet. I don’t know. I promised him that he would be pro by the end of the 6 weeks and hope to meet that promise.

In general, my students are awesome (not only cuz they show me mad love). My group is interesting in that all of the students in my homeroom are either from Richmond High or De Anza High, two schools in the same district w/ API 1s. The De Anza kids are all in leadership, honors classes, and mostly east Asian. They’re very confident. The Richmond kids are extremely thoughtful, I see inklings of leaderships, are struggling academically and mostly Latino@ and south east Asian.

Although many of the RHS are going to struggle academically this summer, I have to say I am in love w/ my Richmond students. Here is why: Every Thursday afternoon students go to their “elective”. This year we have an iMovie elective, Youth Radio, slam poetry, Salsa Dancing, Community and Youth Activism, the history of R & B, Surrealism, etc. Cool classes right? Students who scored poorly on their diagnostic tests were recommended not to take an elective but go to Skills Lab instead (basically, 1-on-1 tutoring for a 2-hour block once a week). Our of 200 students, 30 are in skills lab. Out of the 30 students in skills lab, 8 are from Richmond (we have kids from about 20 schools). These kids were EXCITED and RELIEVED to find out they were going to do skills lab instead of “fun” electives. They were like, “I’m so glad. I know I need help with my writing/ math.” How could you not be in love w/ students like that?

yuri k.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I feel like the past week has flown by in the blink of an eye.


Saturday we had our parent/ student orientation for our 6 week summer program. 200 kids plus their parents/ guardians/ siblings, plus 50+ summer staff. A while back, I wrote about meeting Yuri Kochiyama through my friend Aaron. Because of that meeting I was able to get Yuri to be our keynote speaker! Although I was very excited, I was also very scared. I had to introduce Yuri (scary b/c, well… she’s Yuri); I had to introduce her in front of 500 people (scary b/c I’m good at speaking to large groups on the fly, but not good speaking to large groups w/ prepared material); I’ve had a crazy cough for the last week (scary b/c I didn’t want to get into a coughing fit); and I wasn’t too sure what Yuri was going to talk about (scary b/c I work for a big university). Our keynote speakers have traditionally been professors or faculty and nobody I work w/ knew who Yuri was in the first place (after they read her bio, most people were excited). Anyway, I talked w/ Yuri probably once a week for the last month setting this up. I gave her a topic: the importance of education. I let her interpret this however she wanted. Two days before she went through her notes w/ me and everything sounded inspirational and relevant. On the day of she basically said everything she told me she was going to say. She talked about seeking truth, thinking critically, working together, returning to your community, learning from everyone, etc etc. Everything she said she was going to talk and also linked it to the war in Iraq and the Vietnam war. She talked war for about 15 minutes. Now this was unexpected. Call me a pansy, but I was little worried. Our program is in such a precarious position. We have no funding for next year; we are expected to boost the number of black students in our program w/out directly targeting black students (the outcome of working in educational outreach post-affirmative action); we had to turn away 200 students for our summer program and have a bunch of angry parents; and we also have some incompetent leaders who won’t stand up for our program in our unit, in the university, or in the UC system. So yeah… I was a little bit nervous.

BUT here is the beauty of a keynote speaker. You can’t ask someone to come speak and coach her/him. You can’t cut them off, your speaker is your guest. So then I could relax.

A beautiful moment? Yuri was talking about Helen Keller’s teacher Anne Sullivan but couldn’t remember her name. One of the parents yelled out “Anne Sullivan!” Yuri says, “Yes! Annie Sullivan! Thank you! What is your name? “ “My name is Daisy Bates—“ In unison Daisy and Yuri say, “You were/ I was named after civil rights activist Daisy Bates from Arkansas!” That was pretty cool… Well, who am I kidding? It was awesome to have Yuri come out and speak to our families.

In the end, there were some disgruntled parents (“Is everything in this program so political?” Sadly, no.) But overwhelmingly parents, staff, and students were touched by Yuri’s words.

i'm so happy! my lovely cynthia will be back in the Bay in August!!!! i was just talking about your distinguished-Racial Formation- Asian Am Prof crush the other day! girl, are you looking for a job? we have 2 openings....

on the other hand, one of my friends the other day reminded me of my f-ed up ex and i got all mad... sigh... i keep myspace stalking him and am tempted to send crazy messages to all his friends and let them know he is a pathological liar...

okay, i've been tagged by Gar (i guess).
(The rules: list five songs that you are currently loving. it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog, then "tag" five other bloggers/friends to see what they're listening to.) i'm going to modify this by listing 5 albums i'm currently loving:

Soul Sides: Vol 1: Various Artists, compiled by O-Dub (i can't believe i used to have a crush on him when he was my instructor...)

Sea Change: Beck (my favorite breakup album)

Blazing Arrow: Blackalicious (can't stop listening... love Aural Pleasures)

Infinite Possiblities: Amel Larrieux (the first time i heard her was in "Glitches" w/ the Roots. I can listen to her over and over and OVER again.)

Confessions: Usher (tee hee! (?))

i don't own any new music. i'm in dire need for new stuff, but kind of like listening to the same shit everyday.

just came back from the roots show at the grand... i'm a little disappointed. i really like blackalicious but thought their performance was average compared to what i've seen before. the roots were dope... talib was dope... unfortunately, the acoustics at the grand are atrocious. :( i'm never going to see a show at the grand again!

here are some other random things:
-it was sponsored by Kools cigarettes. BOO!!! there were women walking around in lime green Kools dresses w/ old skool ciggie trays giving out free packs to people who traded in an email address. the emcee was wearing a ralph lauren polo shirt that was the same lime green as the Kools dresses! argh. so irritating.
-tall ass white folks were everywhere. my five foot one inch frame doesn't cut it when it comes to most things. i get stressed out going to the movies late, going to shows, going to lectures, etc b/c i'm so damn short. when you barely clear 5 feet, everyone is tall to you. so the people that average people think are tall are like giants to me. anyway, i was trying to be considerate to the person in front of me by leaving a small gap in front, but that gap kept getting filled by someone really tall. it was so rude! at one point, this HUGE dude, like 6 and a half feet tall stood in front of me to my left. he was massive. his limbs were SO long. he was like some giant bald eagle or something. it was really awkward, cuz he was swinging his arms and i was scared that his elbow would hit me in the eye. i got superscared when he started clapping his hands in the air. he would swing his arms almost perpendicular to his body, practically swiping at my nose! i was totally irritated by him and asked him to chill out a bit w/ his arms. after about 20 minutes he ended up leaving. then i felt a bit guilty cuz he must know how tall he is and it's prolly just as uncomfortable for him as it was for me (but at least he can see everything!) 3 minutes after he left his space some tall ass woman (well she was like 5"10 came to the front right of me. she kept backing into me, totally trying to push me backward. i just pushed her forward. we silently battled it out for awhile, but i lost when she put her arms up to dance. her pits were totally in my face. they were hairy which i prolly wouldn't mind but also sweaty. eh. i hate being short.

harrassment

Today I was harassed. Again.

I won’t go into the details of today, and actually in comparison to other things that have happened to me, this is probably an average form of harassment. Regardless, I feel compelled to write about this.

As a middle-class woman who has a roof over her head*, the degree of harassment I experience most likely pales in comparison to what many other women experience. Despite this, the powerlessness I feel when I am harassed does not change. It suffocates me, arrests me, and infuriates me.

Every time I share these experiences, I am told, “This always happens to you” or “You’re the only person I know who goes through this.”* I’m not sure why this is. I don’t dress sexy (of course even if I did, I STILL shouldn’t have to deal w/ this shit), stare at men and slowly lick my lips, or “accidentally” drop my wallet and bend over in an obscene fashion. Fuck, I’m not even hot. If anything, I’m sort of Hello Kitty-cute. People even tell me I remind them of cartoon characters or that I look like I’m in 8th grade. So, WTF? Sorry, that was a rant.

I remember the first time I was sexually harassed. I was four. The next significant time was when I was 12. Then I had several experiences in college. When I was 4 and when I was 12, I didn’t feel powerless. Just confused and embarrassed. It was when I hit college that I started to feel stripped and lost. In college I had two experiences that I would consider to be pretty major forms of harassment. In between those “big” incidents, I’ve had kind of the run-of-the-mill experiences. Men who were too aggressive in trying to get my number, piercing looks, catcalls on my way to work, innuendo at work, etc. No matter what happened, I felt the same the way. I don’t know how to take back my power.

Because of my family history, I grew up with a critical class-consciousness. Class was primarily on my mind. Class trumped gender; class trumped race. When I started college, however, I became very aware of the intersecting nature of my sexuality, my gender, and my race. I think this is partly why I am so sensitive now. When things happen to me, I may or may not reflect and connect it to my race, class, gender, etc and examine the intricacies in the exchange. Regardless, there is always this initial gut feeling. I get pulled out of my relatively privileged life, my bubble, and get reminded that to mostly everyone else, I am “just” a woman of color.

_______________________________
* my former best friend actually had the nerve to say that it was Karma. That fucker, blaming the victim!