Wednesday, March 22, 2006

all night i had this itch on my stomach. in my half-sleep i feared that my stress rash was returning. i kept scratching it but stopped because the skin on my stomach felt all weird. i rolled around all night and kept hearing this crinkling, kept feeling sharp poke in my skin (like my rash!). i was scared... dreading the thought of missing school and work to take care of that damn rash. i was so tired though that i didnt bother to get up and really check it out. this morning i checked it out. i woke up w/ yellow post its stuck to my sheets, my pajamas, and my stomach! i lost the suckers yesterday morning. instead of being stuck together like the regular kind, these are accordian style so the pad falls apart all the time, esp when you roll on top of them in your sleep.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

big, giant OOPS

i did not meet my monday deadline of having all my lesson plans done. as of this morning, i have 14/15 completed. today i met w/ this awe-inspiring teacher named Liza. liza teaches lit at community college and has her shit TOGETHER. i'm so happy that she is a teacher. anyway, what came out of this meeting was a realization that my curriculum development is way off. i have built in about 13-14 books to read in addition to some other supplemental readings. i based this off of my experience and other folk's feedback on their experiences in lit courses or freshman year reading and comp courses. i was very, very happy w/ my lesson planning until today. when i met w/ liza she told me she teaches 3 books a semester in a literature course at community college. THREE BOOKS to my 13. she broke down what it takes to teach at community college, which among other things is a lot of skill building. we had a long talk about her classes, the politics of community college, and all the stuff i should get if i want to teach there in the future. very, very helpful.

anyway, what does this 3 v 14 books mean? i have to REDO my curriculum. i whittled my list of books down to: Woman Warrior, M Butterfly, Temperature of this Water, Dictee, and Rolling the Rs, plus one student-selected reading for a total of six books (a student at Skyline told me today, MAYBE he'd sign up for a class that was going to read six books, def not 13). i'm now expanding each of these books into multiple lesson plans, which is painstaking work. i'm also building in more time for.. i'm not sure what to call it... not skill building but a lot more peer review, overview of literary elements, etc. it's a totally different course now. i'm trying to do all the reworking in 1 week too!!!! that way i'll only be behind my original schedule by one week.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

rekindling the romance between me and my thesis

i just read this great essay called "Reading Asian American Poetry" by Juliana Chang. Her esssay really helped me think not only about poetry but all art forms created by marginalized people. this is just what i needed to read to get me through one or two more lesson plans. (hopefully i will read something equally wonderful on Saturday so I'll be able to finish by Monday.) Here are my notes on the reading for my lesson plan. there is a definite deconstruction of multiculturalism in this reading that i really appreciate. i want to read more about and from David Palumbo-Liu, who until today i don't think i've ever heard of.

Reading Asian American Poetry by Juliana Chang

-Audre Lorde argues that poetry is not a luxury. “Of all art forms, poetry is the most economical. It is the one which is the most secret, which requires the least physical labor, the least material, and the one which can be done between shifts, in the hospital pantry, on the subway, and on scraps of surplus paper.”

History of Asian American poetry
-Ethnic poetry in the 1960s and 1970s can be viewed as a “racial project” creating links between cultural representation, racial inequity, and racialized empowerment. The late 70s and 80s there was a shift from poetry to prose.

-Asian American poetry dates back to 1890s. Japanese folksong-derived plantations worksongs, Cantonese rhymes in Chinatown, poems carved into the walls of Angel Island.

-Despite the long history of Asian American poetry, it is marginalized by Asian American literary critics and mainstream critics.

How is Asian American poetry is received?
-Poems are considered lyric and private, not public or social even though in the 1960s and 1970s poetry was often oral and performative (public). Chang argues that poetry, not just the novel, can be read as dialogic and heteroglossic (Bhaktin & the novel as genre).

-Rendering poetry as private v. public gives the perception that poetry has less social relevance. The perceived private nature of poetry also makes it seem inaccessible or difficult to comprehend.

-When poetry is perceived as public:
-Artists must deal with the “burden of representation” and the gaze of a white audience.
-Runs the risk of being co-opted by “liberal multiculturalism”. David Palumbo-Liu says that liberal multiculturalism is a “mode of managing a crisis of race, ethnicity, gender, and labor in the First World and its relations with the Third.” Ethnic texts become stand-ins/ proxies for people of color.
-Palumbo-Liu says a critical multiculturalist practice would examine the “rough grains of political history” and its maintenance of inequity.
-Chang writes, “The reader attains the enlightenment of cross-cultural understanding, which s/he imagines as both enabled by and contributing to such a democratic pluralism. Potential social conflicts and tensions are presumably smoothed over in these literary encounters. “

-When poetry by people of color is accepted by mainstream society, then it is seen as a success for high culture. Standards for “good poetry” become universal. The accepted writer transcends race and color; the racial other has been civilized.

(How can Asian American poetry resist being appropriated by hegemonic narratives?)

-Depoliticized poetry is perceived as more authentic than prose. Mainstream readers witness a moment of “cultural authenticity.” Poems that may deal with claiming America are read as wanting to have membership of a white America/ dominant culture.

(How can Asian American writers/ people claim America in a counterhegemonic fashion? “How might we re-vision the United States in ways that interrupt the racist and imperialist ideologies of dominant ‘Americanism’?”)

What does this mean?
-Chang argues, “The project of reading Asian American poetry assumes the significance of ensuring that linguistic and cultural cracks and fissures do not get smoothed over in culturalist readings and containments of dissent.”

-Proposes reading poetry that highlights disruptions of meaning and space (Does this remind you of Bhabha?)

humble pie

so i keep hearing from people that i need to take time off from work to focus and finish my thesis. i already decided a while ago to take about 8 work days off to finish up my thesis in late april. three days ago i thought, "what if i can't finish everything in those days?" then i panicked. lately i have left 2 of my four schools to my interns. i thought this would give me time to work on my thesis, but on those days i go into the office to catch up on office work and planning for a big field trip. my boss keeps telling me to take time off; she actually encourages it. yesterday i realized there is no reason for me to not do so. according to my last time sheet i have over 400 hours of vacation time/ sick leave/ and comp time (overtime i've worked that converts to vacation time, not money). with 400 hours, why am i still on the fence?

actually, i am no longer on the fence. today i decided to work four days a week for the next two weeks and see where i can go from there. how did i come to this monumental decision?

1. i realized that i only complete about 80-90% of what i need to do in a 40-hour week. well i knew this before and that's why i didn't want to take time off in the first place. i already feel behind and working 4 days will put me even more behind. what changed my mind? the amount of work we have to do is infinite. i will never finish it (mainly b/c the expectations are unrealistic). my thesis however is finite. there is an end and if i squint hard enough i can see the end! i may as well concentrate on what i can finish and let the rest pile up.

2. i didn't want to take time off b/c i was too proud to admit that i cannot work a 40-hour week and go to school full time, at least not while writing my thesis. unfortunately i am not superwoman.

3. i didn't want people at work to think that i was slacking or not contributing enough. screw that. i do a lot at my damn job and if those bastards can't see it well... actually i don't know what to say here. but for real, who else can you ask at like 7:30 saturday morning to lead a campus tour at 9:30?

4. Finally, i realized that my perception of work is influenced by my parents. i grew up w/ parents who when self-employed worked 60-hour weeks, no vacations. even as employees of other people, they rarely take time off. family vacations? on the first day of school, the elaborate family vacations i reported to my class were all made up*. the one time we actually took a vacation we went camping in Yosemite. too bad i only knew the way my parents pronounced it "yo-seh-mee-teh". my teacher was like huh?! anyway, i think my parents' work habits really rubbed off on me. it seems very luxurious to take time off whenever i want/ need. deep down inside i am still struggling w/ my entrance into the middle class. it's embarrassing. i feel like by taking my time off, my working class roots, which i think have given me a lot of positive attributes, are losing hold. actually this is something that i have struggled with since sophomore year of college. privilege is hard to accept. i know though that my parents would slap me upside the head and tell me to take time off and graduate on time. they bust their butts and backs for me and my sis. it's prolly insulting and mindblowing to them when we don't take hold over everything we have that they don't.

so? next tuesday i am officially taking a day off! i'll prolly just call in sick, but i'm excited. my four day weeks did come a little late though. i have a self-imposed deadline of having my curriculum done by monday. (yikes!!) tuesday will give me time to do write up an eval sheet for my curriculum and send it out to folks. maybe in two months i'll be hooded!

* i actually spent a lot of my youth making stuff up. i.e. Daily Journal (please write in cursive): What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Answer: "This morning I ate cereal, pancakes with blueberriese and syrub, scrambled eggs, bacon, and grapefruit. i also drank milk and orange juice." what did i really eat in the mornings? leftover rice and kimchee stew. but TV shows that whole spread for American breakfasts! my teacher must have been like, "how does this lil chinese girl eat all that food?! " Homework: Draw your Family tree. I'd ask my dad what harubjee's name was and my dad would be like "why do you need to know his name?" "it's for homework" to this day i still don't know the names of any of my grandparents. what would i turn in for homework? grandpa joe & grandma sarah, grandad bob & grandmom sally. obviously, school alienated me from my family life.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Black Men, Asian Women

I'm a fan of ColorLines magazine but have a hard time digesting an article by Rinku Sen entitled Black men, Asian Women. Sen writes about the growing trend of Asian female/black male relationships. As with most articles that discuss the bodies of Asian American women Sen turns to Darrell Hamamoto* for some words of wisdom. Here is an excerpt: "He [Hamamoto] asserts that the U.S. military draws large numbers of Black men looking for a ladder to the middle class, whose status changes when they go abroad. These men see Asian women as subjects of the American—and, by implication, their own—empire.

“This trend is rooted with American colonialism and occupation. Material and historical forces shape these relationships,”said Hamamoto. “You have three, four, five generations of African-American men who have served oversees in Asia, whose experience with Asian women has been pretty intense in a foreign land where they are treated not as subordinate people but as superior Americans.”

Um okay. First of all, I am so SICK and TIRED of having my body and sex written about. This is not to say that I think articles/ discussions such as these should not be had, I just feel... stuck? i'm not sure what the right word is. Anyway... So when I am already a bit tired of reading about Asian American women's bodies, sex, and relationships it really irks me that hamamoto aka "i want to start an asian american sex revolution to reclaim asian men's sexuality/ reclaim asian women" is talking about this stuff.

So back to Hamamoto's quote. I don't agree that black GIs' status dramatically changes when they go abroad. Even if some Asian people exalt "Americans" there is still a clear understanding that Black is second (or third) class in the U.S. racial order. My dad remembers the black GI who taught English in their Korean classroom as a "nice man." he continued to say that it wasn't until he came to the U.S. that he started stereotyping black people. my dad's conclusion was basically, "American media is full of negative images of black people. when i came to the U.S. then i started thinking bad things about black people. Even now in Korea people look down on black Americans beecause that's what they learn to do from watching American movies." (i do know however that black folks are "in vogue" in some parts of asia)

Plus, that does not explain why Asian American women are CHOOSING to be with black men. Black men can't just make Asian/ Asian American women into the building blocks of their "empire." Yes, military occupation and neo-colonization have led to many War Brides, post-War brides, etc. but what about my generation of U.S.-born APA women who don't need a marriage visa? The Asian Woman/ White Man arguments of women trying to "move up" or wanting to assimilate don't neatly transfer to Asian Woman/ Black Man combo. our internally colonized minds equate white not black with American, prosperous, moving on up, etc.

Sen does briefly mention that perhaps the flipside of the Whoriental aka Dragon Lady is the sexually inexperienced Asian woman who would want to pair herself with "the most sexualized actors in American culture." or perhaps asian women who won't get with a yellow brother (the most asexual actor in American culture) would choose to be the most sexualized actor in American culture.

kate rigg says: "It would be a big turn-on for an Asian girl or guy to be with people who have been more successful in asserting their rights,” said Rigg. “This is a case of like likes like. A Black person is less likely to be as racist as a white person when it comes to dating an Asian girl. And a Black person might not feel as oppressed as they would by a white person in their family structure.”

does a black man turn me on b/c i see him as a big F-you to The Man? probably not, but okay kate rigg. am i turned on by activist men? yes. does black=activist? no. also, i think an asian woman who has the hots for activists would know that asians and asian americans have played an important role in access to rights as well. Lau v Nichols and bilingual education? Wong Kim Ark & citizenship? Property rights in Fujii Sei v State of California? just because we're still taught in a black/white paradigm doesn't mean we don't know our yellow history! j/k... kinda... (interestingly enough, i think most AsAm contributions or contestations were done through the legal system, or at least that method is best documented. that probably reflects on some larger belief on the goodness of the nation-state).

also, i have heard horror stories and of course have my own about Asian daughters w/ black boyfriends, rigg needs to rething her idea that black folks don't feel as oppressed by asian families. i personally don't know any asian women who's parents have opened their homes to black boyfriends. there is definitely a racial-dating hierarchy at play in asian families that is probably different in nature but equally horrific as that in white families.


anyways, i guess what i'm saying is that it is problematic to assume that the power issues in the Asian woman/white man phenomena can be transferred onto asian woman/ black man relationship's (Hamamoto's main argument). or that the near absence of power is what makes these relationships possible (Rigg). are there powers at play? of course? what are they? hey, i'm just here to deconstruct the argument. oh how po-mo of me!

p.s.
I actually like Ross' observation: “I’m not sure that African-American men have been involved in sexual relationships with Asian women in that context any more than white men; it’s just that when African-American men are doing it, it gets noticed more." word.

p.p.s.
just in case you don't know, i'm not one of those women who are like "my love exists in a vacuum and is unaffected by power that is raced/gendered/classed/ etc" i'm not saying this issue is stupid, i just think the arguments resemble swiss cheese.

*Hamamoto is an Asian American Studies Professor at UC Davis. In the late 90s he wrote "The Joy Fuck Club: Prolegomenon to an Asian American Porno Practice." In this article he basically argues that there needs to be an Asian American porn movement to help APA men reclaim their sexual identities (Asian American, not Asian). Pretty interesting article, obviously problematic as well. A few years later he actually directs an Asian American porn called "Skin to Skin" featuring a nervous Korean American neophyte male and a Cambodian-Thai American female porn star. "Master's of the Pillow", a documentary on the filming of this porn tours the film festival circuit along with Hamamoto's DISTURBING short entitled YELLOWCAUST: A Patriot Act? (basically an abridged version of his porn w/ scrolling text abt US imperialism in Asia. come to your own conclusion here. ) When asked at a screeing by an audience member why there was no use of condom's in his porn, Hamamoto answered he made an artistic decision to omit condom use. granted the documentary showed the two getting tested for HIV, but that can take a while to show up. the lack of existing sexual health education in asian american communitities made this particularly disturbing. i'm just scratching the surface here.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Write a sentence using the following words

Please use each of the following words in a sentence (not a sentence that is defining the word though)

Hegemony
Marginalize/ Marginalization
Orientalism/ Orientalist
Silence & Voice (both of these in one sentence or in two related sentences)
Power
Agency
Hybridity

don't use all of these words in one sentence. one word per sentence please. thanks!

Forgive me, but some Oscar stuff

NOTE: I have not read the Oscar coverage in any mags, so i may just be repeating what is already written. sorry.

So the Oscars... i neither watched the oscars this year (no cable tv) nor did i see most of the movies that were up for best picture. i do however have two comments:
1. I am very glad that Ang Lee won best director for Brokeback Mountain. I finally saw this film and really enjoyed it. After I watched it, i checked it out on IMDB and read some threads on the symbolism between the elements of the earth and different characters. After I write three more lesson plans this week, I will def watch it a second time. Also Ang Lee is the first Asian/ Asian American to win this award, so that's pretty cool too.

2. I know every newspaper in the U.S. ran some kind of article about Crash upsetting Brokeback Mountain for best picture. Was I surprised? Hell no! I actually was pretty doubtful that Brokeback Moutain would win anything but did really believe that Crash would win big picture. I haven't really quite thought abt the implications of Brokeback Moutain losing***, but I def knew that Crash would win. Why? B/C of our society's need to pat itself on the back of "addressing" hard issues on race and power . YEAH RIGHT!

DISCLAIMER: This is not an attempt to be all academic and racial theorizing shit. this is simply what i remember as my initial reaction to the film.

I've seen this film once, only in the theater. Everyone was so freaking moved by this damn film. For me it was more like, "Eh, pretty much what a expected." Some ppl have compared it to Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing. NO WAY. Crash did very little to push the boundaries on the discussion of race. People thought this film was revolutionary and profound b/c they felt better educated and informed on US race relations, therefore they felt revolutionary and profound. it's kinda like when some white folks read peggy mcintosh's White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack and are like, "Wow, she's right. "Flesh-colored" Bandaids do more or less match the color of my skin!" and stop there and think they have now acknowledged their privilege. Not to diss Peggy McIntosh, or anything. ANYWAY back to Crash.

Again, this is only what I remember from my ONE viewing of this movie. Crash attempts to complicate race, power, and racism by moving beyond good v evil, black v white. now, you all know i am a big fan of moving beyond the Black-White
paradigm. So far, so good. Actually, that was as far as i can remember being good. Okay, so what was problematic?

SPOILER ALERT

Beyond the black and white characters, the rest of the characters were seriously underdeveloped and one-dimensional. Now, I am not saying that there needs to be an equal number of black, white, latin@, asian american characters in this film, but come on, it's in freaking LA! the korean couple human trafficking? yes. super important issue. but one-dimensional representations of underdeveloped characters that basically leave you with, "oh, the korean ppl are selling other immigrants. whoa! those damn koreans." hello, matt dillon's racism (or was it his dad? i don't remember) is all superdeveloped and you know where he is coming from. most ppl know where white racism is coming from. not many ppl (including me) understand all the shit that surrounds human trafficking. so how are you going to overdevelop a familar character and underdevelop and applaud it for being controversial, educational, and pushing the envelope? HUH? also the family who owns the store. the store gets all wrecked and has some 9/11 Osama crap painted on the wall. one of the family members makes a statement like "they think we're arab. when did persian become arab?" interesting bringing in post 9-11 racialization, but again, just left at that. last comment, the locksmith guy who was latino? his daughter lives and "saves" him from being shot. OF COURSE his story line has some magical realism in there

alright so what is my point? it's easy to applaud a film that really does nothing but remind us that racism is still around in different ways. that people of color are racist too, not just white folks. that doesn't really challenge any images or stereotypes. this makes us all feel thoughtful and down for the struggle in a superficial way.

***actually, i have and am thinking about this. i am not quite ready to articualte my thoughts. obviously this is linked to our society's superficial ability to accept LGBTQ communities, particularly a legitimization of LOVE, not just sex. i am going to leave this untouched for now b/c i don't think i have the means to work through the complexities of the situation. yes, my heterosexual privilege allows me to not think about this often. because i don't often think abt lgbtq issues, when i do think abt such issues, i struggle with articulating my thoughts. still, always working on this. ya know?

Friday, March 03, 2006

There is nothing worse than finding out that someone who
-qualitatively and quantitatively does less work than you do
- is so incompetent that your defunded program is hiring a fulltime person to help the fool do her job
-has no knowledge of the field
-supervises less people than you do

is making 15-20 Gs more than you are.

it's even more insulting when i think about how when i was first hired they implied i should be grateful to be making the amt they offered me right out of college and that i should be grateful for the opportunity. FUCK!

i feel guilty being bitter than i'm not making more money for all the extra work that i do when i want to do it for the students, but that's just reality.