i love my students

my students are encouraging and inspiring.

on monday, i did a thesis-statement writing workshop w/ my students. we identified different components of a thesis statement, looked at 3 examples of UC-personal statement thesis statements, dissected them, etc etc. my plan was for them to work individually and write a thesis statement for their personal statement draft. after 5 minutes of working, i could tell they were stuck so i asked them if they wanted to verbalize their thesis components (concession, assertion, reason, significance) to the group and work through them together.

it was amazing. yes, in the end they were able to accomplish the task, but in addition to that they were uplifting and validating each other.

example: rudolfo's writing about the accelerated math program he's taking advantage of. junior year, students cram through alg 2 in a semester and cram through Calc AB the spring semester. Senior year, students take calc BC as a year-long pace. the class of 2007 is the first class who is doing this. anyway, rudolfo has been really hesitant to write about this b/c he struggled through the class. he thought writing about the struggle would make him look "dumb". even after multiple conversations and drafts, i knew he still felt like it might not be the right topic. on monday, when he shared w/ the other kids his topic and working thesis he had the following:
concession: Math is my most difficult subject
assertion: I enrolled in an accelerated math program at my high school
Reason: I know that higher level math will prepare me from college.
Significance: BLANK.

my students always struggle at the significance. the so what? they hate that i always ask them, so what? why are you telling me this? what am i supposed to learn?

anyway, rudy started questioning the topic again and the significance. "did i really get anything out of it?" the other students started jumping writing it. "you totally need to write about that. out of everyone in the class you worked the hardest! remember how we all had mr. spear the year before and you were in mr. hunn's class? and mr. hunn didn't teach you anything? you were really behind. you stayed every evening working w/ mr spear to catch up. you missed all the club meetings b/c you were getting tutoring during lunch. remember when we visited so cal? you were the one that made us take our calc books so we could study in the hotel! you could have dropped the class but you didn't. you didn't give up. you ended up w/ an A-!" etc etc etc. Rudy's face totally lit up. these kids were repeating everything i had already pulled from up and reinforced, but it was different b/c it was coming from his friends, who according to him are the "smart" ones. and then he saw the significance of this-- not just that he went from a quarter grade of a D to an A, but that he didn't give up, he knew he had to ASK and SEEK support from his teacher and his classmates.

example two: Edgardo's worksheet had something like

concession: Richmond has a lot of social problems. There's a lot of poverty and hopelessness.
assertion: I started Y-ME? a club that helps our community
reason: b/c nobody is going to help us, we have to help ourselves. it's not fair that we live like this. most of us won't leave the city to go to college so people are suck here. anyway, people shouldn't have to leave their homes for a better life or a safer place to live.
significance: BLANK

Edgardo started talking about his passion for social justice and activism (he didn't use those words). he had a lot of reasons written and verbalized even more. he's a very silly and fun young man at times but also sometimes quiet, observant and introspective. as he kept talking about what why he started Y-ME? and he started talking about the community he got pretty emotional and started getting tears in his eyes. i think at first all the other kids didn't know how to react. i think maybe they were in a bit of disbelief. edgardo kept talking about how it's important for people inside and outside richmond to really think about what's going on and try to make a difference. then the other students started talking about the huge change the club has made on the campus and in the lives of the students in the club. "people care now b/c of you. people think they can actually do something and then they do it. you didn't even like talking in front of people but you started this club and you have to make the presentations and do the workshops and nobody can even tell that you're nervous. well we know, cuz we know you, but it doesn't seem like you're nervous. people are starting to change here and its because of you." edgardo didn't quite finish his thesis statement. we're working through a lot different topics. i'm trying to help him create a new outline that is more focused. right now it clearly demonstrates his passion through his words, but not through his actions. it's more "this is important because" not "b/c this is important, i did...." but no worries... it's a process. he'll finish.


although these examples may seem a bit small, to me they are HUGE. one of the biggest barriers of helping students write their uc personal statement is that they are asked to write about themselves-- their greatness and their contributions. they must showcase themselves. the students that i work with, who are primarily students of color, children of immigrants, and from working class families often come from a cultural background where you don't talk about all the great things you're doing, all the awards you've won. you refuse your compliments. you're brought up to think you shouldn't be proud of something you did, you're just doing what you needed to be doing. the college essay caters and thrives on a white middle class culture of entitlement, ownership, and perservation and adoration of self. it's so hard to get my students to "fake it" to write the statement. i know it feels so awkward, embarrassing, prideful, shameful to write about yourself in the way that basically declares, "HEY ADMISSIONS, I'M THE SHIT!!!!!" helping my students navigate that culture is very, very difficult. the beauty of monday was that the students affirmed each other. they have infinite confidence in each other. when they share their thoughts w/ each other and hear what other ppl think of them, they start to build the confidence that needs to come through in the essay. all of a sudden, it's not just me telling them that they are smart, resourceful, caring, leaders, etc etc but they're hearing from their friends. it is very beautiful.


p.s. sorry for the occassion posting. i've been very busy. i want to blog more often b/c its a way for me to preserve the happy things about work and life.... i still need to blog about the T4SJ conference.....

As I prepare to complete (probably) the last step in my education, I keep thinking I should also look to find a new job. My job is very stressful and physically and emotionally demanding (like most jobs in ed). This past week has made me really emotional. My students and younger staff I have worked with have validated the work I am doing—a job that I often feel like is thankless (esp, by my office).

My job is interesting and varies. Some students will get into their dream school w/ or w/out me; they just don’t think they can do it by themselves. Others need the support to tell their stories to contextualize their less-than-impressive grades (one of my students got denied from every college EXCEPT from Berkeley (we have a crazy admissions process that I actually think is the best process in the UC system). This student did not want to talk about immigrating to the U.S. and living by himself for a year an a half while going to school (getting mainly D’s) and working 60 hour-weeks because he didn’t want to be pitied. Others just get scared seeing a bunch of bureaucratic forms and don’t want to attempt to do it by themselves. Some have messed up so much academically they gave up on college their junior year and then came for help senior year (one student actually cried when she got her acceptance letter to CSU eastbay). And then, of course, there’s all those personal stories… the ones that happened and the ones that are on going. Sometimes its just listening. Sometimes it referrals to clinics/ hospitals. Sometimes it’s just a coffee and a pastry. The worst is when you remember you are a mandated reporter. Then thinking of the cultural implications and ramifications of mandated reporting and how “abuse” looks different to different people. Then having to trust your own judgment…

I’m responsible for about 80 seniors (in total about 300 9-12 graders. My interns do most of the work with the younger students). Admittedly I don’t know many of my seniors (some have actually never come to see me). I’ve probably worked directly with about 60 students and have built close relationships with about 2/3s. I can’t even express how deeply these students have touched me.

All of my seniors are going to college next year-- about 90% are going to a 4-year. A good handful of the ones I am very close to are going to Berkeley, Davis, SFSU, and Sonoma so will be nearby. What is hard is many of their friends aren’t graduating. About 25% of seniors in West Contra Costa Unified have not passed the high school exit exam. At one school I work at, more than 40% of seniors have not passed the exit exam. This makes my role at the school seem luxurious and makes the school admin not so nice to me…

As the school year starts to wrap up I’m already thinking about how much I’ll miss my seniors. This year’s class has a special place in my heart because many I have known since they were in middle school. Also, some of the ones I just met within the last 1-2 years have been amazing, especially in perseverance. This year, I’ve also had the privilege of meeting and working with some students who are not in my program, but friends of friends. These young women in particular have left a strong impression on me. In a few years they will be even more kickass.

i havent done shit on my thesis in two weeks.. burnt out... hopefully will be reinspired to write or at least guilt-tripped into writing...

i came back from a 4-day so cal college tour w/ 48 high school juniors. so crazy. so fun. so stressful. so worth it. maybe will post reflections later. considering how much time i spent on a bus w/ so many people, it was inevitable that i got sick. i've been procrastinating/ healing in bed by looking up mopeds. i picture myself zipping from oakland to berkeley on this or this. i won't have to worry about quarters for parking, parking tickets, parking spaces, or gas (90 mpg on these suckers!). i'm gonna test drive them this week. i might be too scared to ride one though.... we'll see...

humble pie

so i keep hearing from people that i need to take time off from work to focus and finish my thesis. i already decided a while ago to take about 8 work days off to finish up my thesis in late april. three days ago i thought, "what if i can't finish everything in those days?" then i panicked. lately i have left 2 of my four schools to my interns. i thought this would give me time to work on my thesis, but on those days i go into the office to catch up on office work and planning for a big field trip. my boss keeps telling me to take time off; she actually encourages it. yesterday i realized there is no reason for me to not do so. according to my last time sheet i have over 400 hours of vacation time/ sick leave/ and comp time (overtime i've worked that converts to vacation time, not money). with 400 hours, why am i still on the fence?

actually, i am no longer on the fence. today i decided to work four days a week for the next two weeks and see where i can go from there. how did i come to this monumental decision?

1. i realized that i only complete about 80-90% of what i need to do in a 40-hour week. well i knew this before and that's why i didn't want to take time off in the first place. i already feel behind and working 4 days will put me even more behind. what changed my mind? the amount of work we have to do is infinite. i will never finish it (mainly b/c the expectations are unrealistic). my thesis however is finite. there is an end and if i squint hard enough i can see the end! i may as well concentrate on what i can finish and let the rest pile up.

2. i didn't want to take time off b/c i was too proud to admit that i cannot work a 40-hour week and go to school full time, at least not while writing my thesis. unfortunately i am not superwoman.

3. i didn't want people at work to think that i was slacking or not contributing enough. screw that. i do a lot at my damn job and if those bastards can't see it well... actually i don't know what to say here. but for real, who else can you ask at like 7:30 saturday morning to lead a campus tour at 9:30?

4. Finally, i realized that my perception of work is influenced by my parents. i grew up w/ parents who when self-employed worked 60-hour weeks, no vacations. even as employees of other people, they rarely take time off. family vacations? on the first day of school, the elaborate family vacations i reported to my class were all made up*. the one time we actually took a vacation we went camping in Yosemite. too bad i only knew the way my parents pronounced it "yo-seh-mee-teh". my teacher was like huh?! anyway, i think my parents' work habits really rubbed off on me. it seems very luxurious to take time off whenever i want/ need. deep down inside i am still struggling w/ my entrance into the middle class. it's embarrassing. i feel like by taking my time off, my working class roots, which i think have given me a lot of positive attributes, are losing hold. actually this is something that i have struggled with since sophomore year of college. privilege is hard to accept. i know though that my parents would slap me upside the head and tell me to take time off and graduate on time. they bust their butts and backs for me and my sis. it's prolly insulting and mindblowing to them when we don't take hold over everything we have that they don't.

so? next tuesday i am officially taking a day off! i'll prolly just call in sick, but i'm excited. my four day weeks did come a little late though. i have a self-imposed deadline of having my curriculum done by monday. (yikes!!) tuesday will give me time to do write up an eval sheet for my curriculum and send it out to folks. maybe in two months i'll be hooded!

* i actually spent a lot of my youth making stuff up. i.e. Daily Journal (please write in cursive): What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Answer: "This morning I ate cereal, pancakes with blueberriese and syrub, scrambled eggs, bacon, and grapefruit. i also drank milk and orange juice." what did i really eat in the mornings? leftover rice and kimchee stew. but TV shows that whole spread for American breakfasts! my teacher must have been like, "how does this lil chinese girl eat all that food?! " Homework: Draw your Family tree. I'd ask my dad what harubjee's name was and my dad would be like "why do you need to know his name?" "it's for homework" to this day i still don't know the names of any of my grandparents. what would i turn in for homework? grandpa joe & grandma sarah, grandad bob & grandmom sally. obviously, school alienated me from my family life.

There is nothing worse than finding out that someone who
-qualitatively and quantitatively does less work than you do
- is so incompetent that your defunded program is hiring a fulltime person to help the fool do her job
-has no knowledge of the field
-supervises less people than you do

is making 15-20 Gs more than you are.

it's even more insulting when i think about how when i was first hired they implied i should be grateful to be making the amt they offered me right out of college and that i should be grateful for the opportunity. FUCK!

i feel guilty being bitter than i'm not making more money for all the extra work that i do when i want to do it for the students, but that's just reality.

I'm going through this long, drawn out process of letting go of an intern... basically it's taking a good week and a half from the day i knew i had to let her go until the process is going to be completed (that's the university for you). she graduated from a local high school and was a participant in our program. she also has been an intern for about five years now. we actually started out as interns together. we never became good friends or anything and when i got my career spot i kind of inherited her as an intern form the previous coordinator.

have really mixed emotions right now. her four years with us were kind of messed up-- basically i'm the first supervisor who has held her accountable. since she has been my intern she has done some bad things that i have called her on repeatedly (like being late, not documenting stuff, or lying on time sheets). what she is being let go for is basically speaking her mind to the principal in an extremely rude and arrogant manner in front of students.

did she behave inappropriately? yes, i totally believe that. actually, i was appalled when i heard what she said to the principal. it also jeopardized our program's presence at the school. do i feel like "the man"? a bit. i feel like i am silencing her and her politics. as someone who has felt frustrated w/ the University and silenced by the delicate and apolitical space in which outreach sits, this situation is making me squirm. she is not being let go for the content/ politics of what she said but for WHEN and HOW she said it (and breaking a lot of program protocal). is there a difference? i often feel like, "wtf do i have to watch my words around (enter privileged location here)! Why do people tiptoe around these issues?” hmm, actually in my opinion what the principal did makes sense to me. I don’t feel like she was creating an injustice in the school. And the principal clearly told my intern what the new policies are and why they are in place. But my opinion probably doesn’t matter right? Anyway, I still feel shitty for letting her go (but is that my Asian womanness shying away from conflict? CURSES!) okay, mainly I’m just wondering if I’m participating in political silencing. I’m really unsure right now.

even though i know i have given her more supervision than any one else in the last four years, in general i've been feeling like i haven’t been there enough for my four interns. I’ve been spread too thin between school, working with my seniors, sitting on committees and trying to support my staff. i'm def still on the learning curve of being a supervisor. L

I don’t think any of this post makes any sense. This issue doesn’t even make sense in my head yet! Okay this is the last time I will indulge in stream of consciousness posting… sorry

Answer this please

What makes a good classroom facilitation?

scratch scratch

i have a rash. i know that sounds gross. it is gross actually, but it's not from bad hygiene or anything, just stress. :(

anyway, i'm planning on spending Friday night working on my thesis. i know this sounds boring, but i'm actually excited to have time to do some work. i've had some exciting ideas and a want to do research (!), unfortunately, everytime i think i'll have time to do school work, work work intervenes. I'm hoping to have two additional lesson plans by monday evening

also, i got some hot curriculum for on social justice issues that i'm going to use this summer w/ my students..... :)
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frusterated as shit with Richmond HS. i'm recruiting for EAOP... trying to boost by 150 kids to 500 kids. yeah right. anyway, 7 potential students i spoke it are still stuck in ELD 5, despite having A- or better in their English 1 or 2 course, scoring in the 75% or higher on standarized tests, and already passing the damn CAHSEE. COME ON!!! it doesn't help that 5 of the 7 kids are undocumented, so you already know that parents are not gonna make a fuss to the counselors and teachers. i'm slowly finding the advocates on campus and hoping they can help me with these students (the counselors at RHS, don't talk to me and are dismissive of me)
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i was at el cerrito high on tuesday, my first day at the school since the Friday night stabbing of a former ECHS student. out of 100 people at the party, still nobody has come forward to identify or even descrive the killer. tuesday at ECHS was strange. it was business as usual, actually more celebratory b/c of valentines day. in my past year and a half in this district, every time a student/ former student has been murdered (i think 6 times?) there have been memorial posters, reward posters, Tshirts, etc. i saw nothing on tuesday. i'm unsure why this murder is different.