How We Sat In Class- U Shape

White Female
Asian Female
Latina
White Female
Asian Female
Latina

Latino
Asian Female
Black Female
Latino

White Male
White Male
White Male
White Male
White Female
White Male
White Male (Instructor)
White Male (Guest Lecturer)

Mehn-su,1992

Mehn-su,1992

I looked down and saw a small stain on my cartoon-printed underwear. Panic rushed over my body. What is this? Am I dying? I yanked up my pajama bottoms and sprinted towards my Unie’s room for help. I stopped at her door, waited for her to look up, and said in a small, scared voice, “Unie? Something’s wrong.”

At ten years old, I didn’t know what it meant to have a period. All I knew was that my mom would buy gigantic Kotex pads would wrap them neatly in tissue before depositing them into the wastebasket. The year before I started my period, in fourth grade, the girls had a day of “Sexual Health Education.” My parents checked the “NO, I do not consent” box on my form. My um-ma and ap-pah grew up after the Korean War, when there was certainly no such thing as Sex Ed. The letter from my elementary school explained the purpose of Sex Ed, but my parents spoke limited English and they only needed to understand one word: SEX. So, while all the girls learned about periods, pads, and puberty, I sat with the boys and watched “Big Ben”, a movie about a brown bear.

The morning that my period first started, my sister handed me one of my mom’s bulgy pads and showed me how to use it. I secretly wondered why there was no “belt” as my only exposure to periods and pads was from an outdated version of “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret” in which Margaret and her friends yearn for their periods and practice fastening belts to a pad. I also wondered, How often should I change my pad? How should I take a shower? How long my period would last? Why did I have it? And most importantly, How could I keep everyone from seeing the outline of this bulgy, extra-long, overnight Kotex from the back of my Bongo shorts? This was my introduction to my period: many questions and no answers.

My um-ma didn’t find out that I had started my period until three days later. I didn’t know how to say “period” in Korean. In true tradition, she simply asked me if I had started my mehn-su. I had no idea what mehn-su meant but from my um-ma’s tone, I could guess that she was talking about my period. I slowly nodded my head and she yelled in exasperation, “You’re so young! Why are you starting so soon?!” I clearly did not have the answer, so I silently added it to my growing list of questions about my period.

It wasn’t until sixth grade, when I slyly moved the checkmark from the NO box to the YES box, that I finally got some answers.

in My Little Red Book

Damn Bay Area

I've been swamped with work, work, and sickness so it's been a while since I've blogged...

Quick post:
I love the Bay Area. After 18 years in conservative San Diego and beginnning my 7th year in the Bay, hands down the Bay wins for many, many reasons. Because of my diehard love of the Bay, it makes me really sad when my Bay Area bubble pops.

Despite its reputation as embracing "diversity" and "culture" , there is a shitload of closet white racist liberals living in the Bay. Usually, I can feel it out in bits and pieces... a few comments here, a few comments there. People who pararde around as liberal but secretly hate people of color or liberal folks who are politically motivated by condescending and ignorant rationale.

One of the best online places to witness such beahavior is Craigslist , specifically on rants and raves. For example, last year when a young black woman slashed the throat of an elderly white woman in North Berkeley, this page was filled with comments such as "This is what happens when you let n****** go free" or "Those people are such savages. They should stick to killing each other" or "Lynch that fucking n******"

Confession: I read Celebrity Dish on SFGate.

Anyway, on today's Dish there's a mini-headline that reads: Jolie Criticized by Black Rights Groups. It begins with:

The casting of Angelina Jolie as the mixed-race wife of late journalist Daniel Pearl in the new movie "A Mighty Heart" has been heavily criticized by black rights groups.

Make-up artists are believed to have used special cosmetics to darken the star's skin to match that of Mariane Pearl -- but campaigners believe a real-life mixed-race actress should have been given the part.

Some blog comments read, "This is the most ridiculous thing I have heard since from them since reparations."
"blacks are always crying... get over it and fix your neighborhoods. thanks."
"actually i think the concept/term of "white privilege" is the most stupid thing i have heard since reparations. your alleged oppression and "white privilege" are figments of your wild imagination and are used only as excuses to make you feel better about yourself and that's sad and pathetic. "
"Guess what? I'm Jewish, you don't want me to start whining about what happened to the Jews now do you??? No, I choose not to whine, I choose to move on with my life REGARDLESS of what happened to my ancestors. I choose to make MY life MY own and do what I need to do to make myself happy in life, not sit back and ask for handouts and expect others to do it for me, thats all."
And of course stupid comparisons to J. Lo playing an Irish person, skinny people getting fat for fat roles, and hallie berry playing roles written for white folks.

I do not have the energy or the want to break this down. I will leave it at this: Damn. Haters.

School Day Cupcakes

The LA Times has this story on the banning of cupcakes and other unhealthy foods from classrooms in an attempt to curb obesity. Apparently this is creating mini-cupcake rebellions by parents who are pissed that their child can't be the center of a sugary celebration on their special day. Texas even passed a Safe Cupcake amendment to ensure a parent's rights to bring cupcakes into the classroom.

I actually don't care about this story at all, but it does remind me of a story from my childhood (surprise, surprise)...

I am a summer baby and was always a bit sad that my birthday was never celebrated at school. Thank goodness for year-round school!!! By the time third-grade rolled around I was on a track that had me in school in my birthday month! sweet, i thought. I FINALLY get to be the center of attention... The envied one... muhahahahhaha...

As my birthday approached, I told my parents about the coveted cupcake tradition. I guess they thought it was pretty cool, so the night before my birthday we went to our local grocery store to buy these mini-confections. Did I leave with a class set of sprinkled cupcakes? Nope. What did I leave with?

BLUEBERRY MINI-MUFFINS

My parents decided the cupcakes were too expensive to buy for the whole class, so instead they bought me blueberry mini-muffins*. I was seriously devastated. I'm sure my parents didn't think it was a big deal. Not only were they both in the bakery section, but to the untrained eye, cupcakes and muffins may look similar so mini-muffins should be fine right? Despite my sadness, I accepted the mini-muffins w/out protest. I didn't want to hurt my parents feelings, but my little third-grade throat definitely tightened... sigh...

so the story ends with me bitterly walking to school w/ my Albertson's plastic bag of mini-muffins, contemplating throwing them out before I arrived at school. I was also definitely sad that I had to bring them myself, rather than have my parents bring them to class w/ ice cream or something. I ended up reluctantly sharing them with my classmates, who loved them, but I was still a bit bummed in the end.

this story isn't sad or anything but whenever my sister and i see mini-muffins we always crack up at the , "Remember when...?"



---
*so cupcakes aren't that expensive, but for us they were. not only were we pretty poor, but we rarely bought snacks and goodies so this was definitely going to be unusual. on top of that my parents dont think birthdays are important. i think i may have "celebrated" 5-7 birthdays with my parents; they don't even call to say happy birthday now. it wasn't a big deal to them, so why should be a big deal to a third-grader right? b/c EVERYTHING is a big deal to third-graders!

---
I was the only Asian kid in my class, i'm pretty sure everyone else was white. now when i think about my mini muffin fiasco, i'm convinced that i was hyper aware of being different and thought that it would reinforce how different i was. as if the mini muffins were the apple in the Garden of Eden and eating them would open up the kids eyes to the fact that I'm Korean!!!!

adding fuel to the fire? Red Doors

inspired by Gar's post about the movie Red Doors by Georgia Lee. Lee's come under some fire from some ppl for having a movie w/ 3 asian american sisters who all have white male love interests (i think). BTW gar, in my post i use "your" or "you" a lot, but that does not equal Gar, it's a general "you".

let me start by saying:
-I am an APA woman who finds APA men extremely sexy and lovable.
-It makes me really disgusted when i hear APA women say "i can't date an asian guy b/c it would be like kissing my brother" i think to myself, wow, you must also subscribe to the idea that all asians look alike b/c you can't tell your brother part from another APA man!
-I live in the Bay where yellow fever is rampant and often get annoyed by its huge presence. i try not to, but i def sometimes maddog these couples. (I *really* try to stop doing that)

back to red doors
i have not seen it or really followed the back and forth too closely. i did read michael kang's post on it. i ONLY read kang's post and Gar's post. i did not read all those comments on Kang's blog. here is an excerpt from kang: "Georgia didn't grow up in a predominately Asian community. She grew up in an upper-middle class suburb of Connecticutt. She probably didn't have much exposure to Asian men in her love life growing up. For her to write a story about these three sisters in relationships with Asian boys would have been false. She stuck by the old adage that you write what you know. When I see Red Doors, I believe she knows this material inside and out."

not only is this part of Georgia's reality, but also the reality of many many APA women and men (including myself up to age 17). that story deserves to be told as much as anyone elses (even if you think it doesn't further your APA agenda)

i often think about the large burden that artists of color are expected bear. it's not fair of communities of color to expect artists to dismantle negative images in all of their projects. when i think about supporting APA artists, yes, i def throw my support behind those whom i feel create new and refreshing representations of APAs, particularly those that fit in w/ my political agenda. HOWEVER, one of my many hopes for the APA community is not so focused on dismantling negative images of APAs but providing a diverse and complex representations of our experiences, INCLUDING white male/ asian female loving. mores stories, more voices right? we are not homogenous, our experiences certainly are not.

hopefully, Georgia's characters are complex. i know if i watch red doors, i will have to really try and remove my automatic dislike of white-on-rice to see if the characters are multi-dimensional, if the film is beautiful, if the story is solid, etc etc. my political beef on APA male representation can play a role in how I recieve the film, but hopefully it will not be the only role.

another thing i want to say is that APA men can be the harshest critics when it comes to this shit. for those of you who don't know why, i'm not going to take the time to explain it right now. anyway, i get frustrated b/c implicit in getting upset over asian female/ white male couples is that it becomes framed w/in ethnicity and sexuality (demasculinizing APA men, right?). however, SOMETIMES IT'S JUST AN ISSUE OF PATRIARCHY! it becomes a competition of ownership. "Who can legitimatley own APA women?"

last thoughts?
this issue will always depress me. the outrage over representations of APAs can seem so silly to people on the outside, but it is def grounded in a sociohistorical context AND of course it affects our everyday lives. no doubt, it is very personal. it sickens me that there are so few APA artists/ writers/ filmmakers who are given acccess to resources, publicity, acceptance, etc that we must staunchly defend/ defeat them because the artists are not making an image that is palatable for our community. it's like we get someone and we have to immediately assess "For or Against"? because there's so few in the first place! FUCK MAN. you know white folks don't ever get slammed for showing trailer trash or their suburban counterparts. it's hard enough to break out and decide to follow your heart and your art, then get funding, then get publicity, and then also have to please all APAs? come on, now.

here are some related thoughts: on black male/ asian female relationships (an old post of mine)

Magnetic North

i've been meaning to post this since june.

my friend freida k. got me hooked on hip hop duo Magentic North. i've been listening to their album non-stop since i got in (that is until ben jacked it... don't worry, MN, he's just borrowing it until his own copy arrives!). their sound, lyrics, and delivery are beautiful and complex, plus their DJ has bombass voice. my favorite song is called "drift away". listen to it on their myspace or buy their album on their website

I called 4 APA/ Korean American community health agencies in Oakland today looking for Korean-language literature on depression and suicide. Only one of these spots has literature. Unfortunately, they won't share it unless the person who needs the info makes an appointment, does an intake, and is serviced. :( What a sad indication of their funding! None of these other places were able to help me out. If you know of a Korean-language website that has accurate information on depression, please let me know.

yuri k.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I feel like the past week has flown by in the blink of an eye.


Saturday we had our parent/ student orientation for our 6 week summer program. 200 kids plus their parents/ guardians/ siblings, plus 50+ summer staff. A while back, I wrote about meeting Yuri Kochiyama through my friend Aaron. Because of that meeting I was able to get Yuri to be our keynote speaker! Although I was very excited, I was also very scared. I had to introduce Yuri (scary b/c, well… she’s Yuri); I had to introduce her in front of 500 people (scary b/c I’m good at speaking to large groups on the fly, but not good speaking to large groups w/ prepared material); I’ve had a crazy cough for the last week (scary b/c I didn’t want to get into a coughing fit); and I wasn’t too sure what Yuri was going to talk about (scary b/c I work for a big university). Our keynote speakers have traditionally been professors or faculty and nobody I work w/ knew who Yuri was in the first place (after they read her bio, most people were excited). Anyway, I talked w/ Yuri probably once a week for the last month setting this up. I gave her a topic: the importance of education. I let her interpret this however she wanted. Two days before she went through her notes w/ me and everything sounded inspirational and relevant. On the day of she basically said everything she told me she was going to say. She talked about seeking truth, thinking critically, working together, returning to your community, learning from everyone, etc etc. Everything she said she was going to talk and also linked it to the war in Iraq and the Vietnam war. She talked war for about 15 minutes. Now this was unexpected. Call me a pansy, but I was little worried. Our program is in such a precarious position. We have no funding for next year; we are expected to boost the number of black students in our program w/out directly targeting black students (the outcome of working in educational outreach post-affirmative action); we had to turn away 200 students for our summer program and have a bunch of angry parents; and we also have some incompetent leaders who won’t stand up for our program in our unit, in the university, or in the UC system. So yeah… I was a little bit nervous.

BUT here is the beauty of a keynote speaker. You can’t ask someone to come speak and coach her/him. You can’t cut them off, your speaker is your guest. So then I could relax.

A beautiful moment? Yuri was talking about Helen Keller’s teacher Anne Sullivan but couldn’t remember her name. One of the parents yelled out “Anne Sullivan!” Yuri says, “Yes! Annie Sullivan! Thank you! What is your name? “ “My name is Daisy Bates—“ In unison Daisy and Yuri say, “You were/ I was named after civil rights activist Daisy Bates from Arkansas!” That was pretty cool… Well, who am I kidding? It was awesome to have Yuri come out and speak to our families.

In the end, there were some disgruntled parents (“Is everything in this program so political?” Sadly, no.) But overwhelmingly parents, staff, and students were touched by Yuri’s words.

Marie’s comment on my last blog post:
“I think a problem that a lot of multi-generation white Americans face is that they've lost their own culture/heritage/community. Whenever I try to claim, say, Italian (five generations back to the boat), my lovely British fiancé basically tells me to shut up because I'm American and that's the end of it. After all those years of assimilation, we whities have lost something valuable in exchange for fitting in. Those little white kids probably got excited at the opportunity to recognize where their own ancestors came from - however uneducated they may be on what their great-great-grandparents' culture actually is. I'm guessing they have no community to identify with other than the WASP community, which, let's face it, is pretty boring. Then again, they're also like six.”


I have many thoughts on this but b/c i'm trying to finish my thesis, here are some preliminary and rushed thoughts:
"my lovely British fiancé basically tells me to shut up because I'm American and that's the end of it. "
I think there is a globally powerful notion of “American”.
Even when children of immigrants or immigrants who have lived in the U.S. for 20+ years go visit their home country, this happens (at least I know, especially in Asian countries). I know Korean Americans who grew up in predominantly Korean American communities, speak flawless Korean, go to Korea and try to act “Korean” (whatever that means) and still get outed as an American. It can be pretty devastating to have two countries tell you, “Go back to where you came from.”

“Those little white kids probably got excited at the opportunity to recognize where their own ancestors came from - however uneducated they may be on what their great-great-grandparents' culture actually is”
I’m not so sure that knowing a lot about your ancestral culture has a whole lot to do w/ being a ______ American. I try very, very hard not to dismiss people as “white-washed” b/c they don’t know a lot about their ancestral history or the history of their people in the U.S. As someone who only found 6 lines about Korea in her ENTIRE K-12 education and ZERO lines about Korean American history or Asian American history, I am pretty sympathetic. That said, that doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t meet folks and think, “You need to go ask your parents or read a book.” Some of what I do think matters in identity politics is the following (piggy back off of Peggy McIntosh):


Do you primarily identify yourself as Korean/ Arab/ Italian/ German/ etc American or an American?

When there is an international situation or national situation involving the country of your ancestors in what ways are you as a Korean/ Arab,/ Italian/ French/ whatever American affected? Examples range from WWII & Japanese Internment; 9/11& illegal detainment of Arab-Americans,/ racial profiling, illegal campaign contributions from China and donor investigations into Chinese Americans, and just generally stupid questions like, “So tell me about the nuclear weapons in North Korea, do you think they really exist?”

In general, is your loyalty to the U.S. ever questioned b/c of the way you physical racial/ ethnic attributes?

When you write/ direct/ create any form of art, are you pretty sure your ancestral heritage will be mentioned in any reviews? Are people from your ethnic community going to evaluate you on whether or not you are accurately representing them?

Do people want to know when you last visited the country of your ancestors or ask if/ expect you to speak that language?

I think those questions can clarify what it really means to claim a hyphenated identity (even though I don’t hyphenate Asian American), especially in terms of social and political repercussions. Basically, it is frustrating to hear people claim ethnic American identities when it is something they can CHOOSE to reveal and even then it doesn’t change much about their position in society.

“I'm guessing they have no community to identify with other than the WASP community, which, let's face it, is pretty boring.”
Renato Rosaldo writes about the importance of visibilizing and naming white American culture. I have often heard my white students and my white colleagues talk about feeling left out of “multicultural days”. Well, my obvious response was, Now you know how we feel year-round! J/k… kinda…* Basically, he problemitizes the idea of white Americans feeling cultureless. Rosaldo critiques the anthropologic value in studying the Other (particularly in search of “pure” culture). He highlights the importance of understanding the existence, behaviors, and practices of white American culture. I’ve only read excerpts of Rosaldo but have really enjoyed his arguments. I have also seen many books on similar topics at Cody’s which I hope to read this summer.

“Then again, they're also like six.” Yup. Even with high school students or adults topics like this can be difficult to articulate and difficult to understand. sigh


* anyway, these days are problematic also for the students it is supposed to uplift. it usually is only cool to bring cultural food that would be the least visually unusual and has a neutral and mild taste or smell, basically letting me know that you can be a little bit ethnic, but not TOO ethnic.

Jeff Yang who writes the Asian Pop column for SF Gate posted some questions on his blog. Here is my attempt to answer some of his questions.

QUESTION: WHAT DOES ASIAN MEAN TO YOU?

NAME: Amy Lee
LOCATION: Oakland, CA originally from San Diego, CA
DESCRIBE YOURSELF: 2nd generation Korean American. Daughter of working class immigrants. Educator.

Do you think of yourself as Asian? Why or why not? Do your parents?
Outwardly, I think of myself as Asian American. I think of myself as part of the “Asian American community”. I like the ambiguity of the term. Because Asian American refers to so many people, so many ethnic groups, I think it’s harder to stereotype than “Korean American.” There’s a lot more space to define/ redefine. Inwardly, I think of myself as Korean or Korean American. I don’t feel like I have a Korean American community outside of my family so my identification as Korean American is very specific and very personal.

My parents do not think of themselves as Asian or me as Asian; in their eyes we are definitely Korean. When I came home from school upset because some stupid kids pulled their eyes to the side and chanted “Ching-chong Chinaman!” my dad said, “Tell them you’re Korean, not Chinese!” Not exactly comforting for a 7-year-old.

When was the first time you referred to yourself as "Asian"?
This is a hard question. This must have been when I was older, probably 8th grade.

Stream of consciousness: What ideas immediately come to mind when you think of the word Asian?
Perfectly made-up face with a cigarette dangling out of shiny red lips
Diesel jeans, vintage shirt, kangol hat, puma shoes, hipster who lives in the Haight.

Mental health issues ignored. Body image. Heterogeneous. Homogeneous. Modest. Asian fetish. Someone you can share “whipping” stories with and not be embarrassed or think he/she will pass judgment on your parents.

What does Asian taste like?
At American restaurants “Asian” tastes like ginger, peanuts, scallions, and mandarin oranges. For the record, Korean food never uses peanuts OR oranges.

What does Asian look like? (For my mother)
Your hands are rough from manual labor. They are aged with chemicals that make floors and toilets sparkle. They rub sweat out of the collars of “dry-clean only” shirts. They are scarred from running endless yards of poly-cotton material through commercial sewing machines to turn a 22-cent-profit on a trendy top. You come home tired from your minimum-wage job and make dinner: two types of kimchi, neatly-folded mandoo, three types of nam-mul, gamja ban-chan, fried fish, a spicy chigae -- all homemade/ handmade. Your hands give life.

What is Asian good at and bad at?
Despite coming from a culture where cycles are prominent, we are LINEAR. (Good or bad, your call).

What's the most Asian thing you've ever done?
The most “Asian” thing I’ve ever done is go to UC Berkeley. Or maybe the most Asian thing I’ve done is plan out a day to eat Spam. I loved canned meat!!!

Who's the most Asian person you know? Why?
Umm… Wu-Tang Clan?

If you're Asian, how do you feel when you see someone who's not Asian aspiring to be Asian--flattered, or embarrassed, both, or neither?
One time I was in a random church crying, looking for refuge. I was a low-point in my life. I ended up talking to the pastor who was a white male. The pastor kept making suggestions that were TOTALLY culturally insensitive. After I told him his suggestions weren’t realistic for my family situation, he briefly excused himself. He came back and introduced this white lady to me: “Amy, this is ____. She might be able to help us out. ____ has been working at the Asian Art Museum for 10 years. She knows a lot about Asian culture.” Despite the fact that I was crying so hard that I had hiccups, snot all over my face, and my eyes were swollen, I had to stop and laugh. Usually, I just laugh.

Extra: Last summer we took our students ice skating. They were supposed to brown bag their lunch and eat it at the rink. I ended up sitting next to some students from San Francisco, all Chinese kids. They had tupperware with rice and some unidentifiable home-cooked Chinese food. It was so cool! I was always stressed out when we had to bring a lunch for a field trip instead of being able to buy lunch from school. For the most part I grew up in lily-white areas of San Diego. I definitely did not want to bring my momma’s food for fieldtrips. It was such an ordeal to bring lunch from home because we’d have to think “American”. We’d have to buy a whole package of brown paper lunch bags, a loaf of bread, mayonnaise, ham, lettuce, tomato, chips, juice boxes, sandwich bags, etc etc. It was so expensive. By the time the next fieldtrip rolled around the paper lunch bags would be all dusty, the mayonnaise would look weird, and the sandwich bags would get tossed so we would have to start ALL over. Anyway, I told my students all of this and they looked at me like I was silly. They could not understand why I wouldn’t just bring Korean food to these field trips. Maybe I thought eating like an “American” would make my eyes bigger and my hair lighter and fool the rest of the kids! I think though, if you grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and are a person of color, you know what I’m talking about.

This is my month biatch!

In honor of APA heritage month, I offer you a list of 10 things YOU can do to celebrate (seriously, I was an Asian American Studies major!):
1. Make origami cranes
2. eat fortune cookies (strike that)
2. take out your planner and schedule in a different asian cuisine for every day of the month (thai, Burmese, Indian, Chinese, Korean, Japanese Vietnamese, Pilipino, Taiwanese, Singaporean, etc etc.)
3. tell your asian girlfriend/ wife “I love you” in her home language
4. go to yoga/ tae kwon do/ jujitsu/ etc etc
5. wear a cheongsam, hanbok, kimono w/ chopsticks in your hair (or a sari w/ a bindi on your head)
6. get an asian tattoo/ henna
7. Watch Madame Butterfly
8. Tell an APA how your dad/ grandfather/ uncle/ brother fought in the “war”
9. make a newspaper rice paddy hat and wear it on your head
10. watch hentai

May is APA heritage month. like most people of color, I don’t really know what to make of the tokenized month that celebrates the greatest of me (or rather, APAs). May has never been anything special to me except that it meant the end of the school year for the last 6 years of my life. as a former Asian American Studies major you'd think i'd get really excited, go to a bunch of events, and be... well, yellow and proud. in actuality, i'm never quite sure what to make of this month. it seems very anti-climatic.

This year, I’m going to try and remember WHY May is APA heritage month:

-May is the month in which the first Asian arrived on American soil (so I’ve read)

-Chinese exclusion Act, Passed May 6 1882: Chinese were banned from immigrating to the U.S. Originally a 10-year-policy, was extended and made permanent in 1902. It wasn’t until 1943 when China was an important ally of US that the act was appealed.

-On May 3, 1942, General DeWitt issued Civilian Exclusion Order No. 346, ordering all people of Japanese ancestry, whether citizens or non-citizens, to report to assembly centers, where they would live until being moved to permanent "Relocation Centers."

-Chinese American railroad workers finish building the Transcontinental Railroad on May 10, 1869. 2/3 of the 4,000 railroad workers were Chinese. Workers risked and lost their lives to chip away granite and plant explosives to blast tunnels.


Okay, so here is my REAL list to celebrate APA heritage month:
1. Listen closely and stop thinking you can’t understand someone speaking w/ an accent
2. Be nice to service workers
3. teach your kids/ yourself/ someone to stop pulling their eyes and saying “ching chong chinaman”
4. write to Michelle Malkinand John Yooand let them know you’re ashamed of them
5. stop thinking in a black/ white paradigm
6. vote
7. read a book by an APA writer that is not Amy Tan or Maxine Hong Kingston
8. love an APA man
9. stop thinking you can’t be a feminist and an APA activist
10. Read Heartbeat of Struggle: The Revolutionary Life of Yuri Kochiyama

11. if you’re an APA take care of your mental and physical health. If you’re an APA woman who is not “Asian-skinny” love your body. We don’t all have to be a BCBG size 0, ya know! (Fact: Suicide is the leading cause of death for APA youth (second only to unintentional deaths) according to CDC 2000. In 2003, the American Psychological Association found that APA girls have highest rate of depressive symptoms of all racial groups and the highest suicide rate among women 15-24). Let's take care of ourselves kiddies!

i keep forgetting to post stuff from my myspace blog:

I'm working at the Starbucks in Barnes and Noble in Emeryville. The place is packed today. The only table open is next to this group of 7 people. We grab the table, but Im secretly thinking, oh no, I bet theyre going to be loud. Theyre not. Theyre completely silent only laughing occasionally. The only noise is the adorable baby making baby noise. I wonder why 7 people are sitting in silence. I look over and I see that theyre all signing to teach other! Totally unexpected. I actually see people signing to each other pretty often. This time though its different b/c theyre Asian. Ive never seen Asian folks using sign language. I wonder if my surprise is an internalization of the idea that Asian folks dont have disabilities. Those issues are really hidden in our community. Its pretty sad and damaging to APAs who are disabled and their families. Not only is there an issue of shame, but theres little outreach to the community by larger advocacy groups.

Anyway, its really cool cuz the baby is like 1 year old. The seven adults are signing to each other but then also teaching the baby how to sign. It must be neat to have your baby attempt to sign. Its so cute when babys mess up big people words cuz their voices are so squeaky and well, babyish. It must be just as cute to have your baby sign cuz you get to see those chubby hands clumsily communicate! You can tell when the baby is doing baby-signing (as opposed to baby wiggling and waving) b/c you hear excited sounds from the group and everyone gets these huge smiles. Nice.


UPDATE: SWEET!!! they're korean! they're singing/ humming/ signing one of my Korean baby songs about 3 bears (better than goldilocks). oooh sooo cute!!!

today i was telling aaron about how much i like wikipedia. whenever i want to find something i check out wikipedia; it's like an internet Dad. for example, i love eating pommelo. i figured it was a hybrid of a grapefruit and orange but wasnt sure. B/c of wikipedia i now know that a grapefruit is actually a hybrid of an orange and pommelo. who knew pommelo was a pure fruit?! B/c of wikipedia i also know that Marlon Brando loved "exotic women".

in 1957 he married actress Anna Kashfi believing her to be South Asian. She was actually from Wales and was Irish Catholic. She "dressed and made herself up as an Indian beauty after learning that Brando gravitated toward exotic women." weird huh? if you look up "lactose intolerant" on wikipedia you can see a graph that shows the % of lactose intolerancy by ethnic group (swedish 2%; white americans 12%; black americans 75%;; chinese 83%.)

a few months ago, my sister and i looked up "care bears" cuz we love those little buggers. not only is there a lengthy article on care bears, but it lists the main care bears and the care bear cousins. my favorite care bear, funshine bear used to be a girl in the 80s but was recently reissued as a boy! funshine is transexual! amigo bear was added this year and is the first bear to speak spanish. amigo bear got me thinking that the rest of the bears are probably ethnically white, instead of ethnicity-less like they should be since they're bears. anyway, today i revisited the page to see if any care bear descriptions would have ethnicity clue. guess what i found? in an episode called "long lost care bears" there are 2 bears named Polite and Perfect PANDA. WTF? come on, you know ppl think asians are polite (bowing, pouring tea, etc etc) and strive to be perfect (overworked kids going to kumon, language school, piano, karate, church, etc) . these bears are obviously Asian, more specifically Chinese (cuz you know, panda's are from china). i hope the creators know that polite and perfect might be care bear COUSINS, not actual care BEARS b/c there's some classification controversy if pandas are bears, related to raccoons, or are in a class by themselves.

rekindling the romance between me and my thesis

i just read this great essay called "Reading Asian American Poetry" by Juliana Chang. Her esssay really helped me think not only about poetry but all art forms created by marginalized people. this is just what i needed to read to get me through one or two more lesson plans. (hopefully i will read something equally wonderful on Saturday so I'll be able to finish by Monday.) Here are my notes on the reading for my lesson plan. there is a definite deconstruction of multiculturalism in this reading that i really appreciate. i want to read more about and from David Palumbo-Liu, who until today i don't think i've ever heard of.

Reading Asian American Poetry by Juliana Chang

-Audre Lorde argues that poetry is not a luxury. “Of all art forms, poetry is the most economical. It is the one which is the most secret, which requires the least physical labor, the least material, and the one which can be done between shifts, in the hospital pantry, on the subway, and on scraps of surplus paper.”

History of Asian American poetry
-Ethnic poetry in the 1960s and 1970s can be viewed as a “racial project” creating links between cultural representation, racial inequity, and racialized empowerment. The late 70s and 80s there was a shift from poetry to prose.

-Asian American poetry dates back to 1890s. Japanese folksong-derived plantations worksongs, Cantonese rhymes in Chinatown, poems carved into the walls of Angel Island.

-Despite the long history of Asian American poetry, it is marginalized by Asian American literary critics and mainstream critics.

How is Asian American poetry is received?
-Poems are considered lyric and private, not public or social even though in the 1960s and 1970s poetry was often oral and performative (public). Chang argues that poetry, not just the novel, can be read as dialogic and heteroglossic (Bhaktin & the novel as genre).

-Rendering poetry as private v. public gives the perception that poetry has less social relevance. The perceived private nature of poetry also makes it seem inaccessible or difficult to comprehend.

-When poetry is perceived as public:
-Artists must deal with the “burden of representation” and the gaze of a white audience.
-Runs the risk of being co-opted by “liberal multiculturalism”. David Palumbo-Liu says that liberal multiculturalism is a “mode of managing a crisis of race, ethnicity, gender, and labor in the First World and its relations with the Third.” Ethnic texts become stand-ins/ proxies for people of color.
-Palumbo-Liu says a critical multiculturalist practice would examine the “rough grains of political history” and its maintenance of inequity.
-Chang writes, “The reader attains the enlightenment of cross-cultural understanding, which s/he imagines as both enabled by and contributing to such a democratic pluralism. Potential social conflicts and tensions are presumably smoothed over in these literary encounters. “

-When poetry by people of color is accepted by mainstream society, then it is seen as a success for high culture. Standards for “good poetry” become universal. The accepted writer transcends race and color; the racial other has been civilized.

(How can Asian American poetry resist being appropriated by hegemonic narratives?)

-Depoliticized poetry is perceived as more authentic than prose. Mainstream readers witness a moment of “cultural authenticity.” Poems that may deal with claiming America are read as wanting to have membership of a white America/ dominant culture.

(How can Asian American writers/ people claim America in a counterhegemonic fashion? “How might we re-vision the United States in ways that interrupt the racist and imperialist ideologies of dominant ‘Americanism’?”)

What does this mean?
-Chang argues, “The project of reading Asian American poetry assumes the significance of ensuring that linguistic and cultural cracks and fissures do not get smoothed over in culturalist readings and containments of dissent.”

-Proposes reading poetry that highlights disruptions of meaning and space (Does this remind you of Bhabha?)

Black Men, Asian Women

I'm a fan of ColorLines magazine but have a hard time digesting an article by Rinku Sen entitled Black men, Asian Women. Sen writes about the growing trend of Asian female/black male relationships. As with most articles that discuss the bodies of Asian American women Sen turns to Darrell Hamamoto* for some words of wisdom. Here is an excerpt: "He [Hamamoto] asserts that the U.S. military draws large numbers of Black men looking for a ladder to the middle class, whose status changes when they go abroad. These men see Asian women as subjects of the American—and, by implication, their own—empire.

“This trend is rooted with American colonialism and occupation. Material and historical forces shape these relationships,”said Hamamoto. “You have three, four, five generations of African-American men who have served oversees in Asia, whose experience with Asian women has been pretty intense in a foreign land where they are treated not as subordinate people but as superior Americans.”

Um okay. First of all, I am so SICK and TIRED of having my body and sex written about. This is not to say that I think articles/ discussions such as these should not be had, I just feel... stuck? i'm not sure what the right word is. Anyway... So when I am already a bit tired of reading about Asian American women's bodies, sex, and relationships it really irks me that hamamoto aka "i want to start an asian american sex revolution to reclaim asian men's sexuality/ reclaim asian women" is talking about this stuff.

So back to Hamamoto's quote. I don't agree that black GIs' status dramatically changes when they go abroad. Even if some Asian people exalt "Americans" there is still a clear understanding that Black is second (or third) class in the U.S. racial order. My dad remembers the black GI who taught English in their Korean classroom as a "nice man." he continued to say that it wasn't until he came to the U.S. that he started stereotyping black people. my dad's conclusion was basically, "American media is full of negative images of black people. when i came to the U.S. then i started thinking bad things about black people. Even now in Korea people look down on black Americans beecause that's what they learn to do from watching American movies." (i do know however that black folks are "in vogue" in some parts of asia)

Plus, that does not explain why Asian American women are CHOOSING to be with black men. Black men can't just make Asian/ Asian American women into the building blocks of their "empire." Yes, military occupation and neo-colonization have led to many War Brides, post-War brides, etc. but what about my generation of U.S.-born APA women who don't need a marriage visa? The Asian Woman/ White Man arguments of women trying to "move up" or wanting to assimilate don't neatly transfer to Asian Woman/ Black Man combo. our internally colonized minds equate white not black with American, prosperous, moving on up, etc.

Sen does briefly mention that perhaps the flipside of the Whoriental aka Dragon Lady is the sexually inexperienced Asian woman who would want to pair herself with "the most sexualized actors in American culture." or perhaps asian women who won't get with a yellow brother (the most asexual actor in American culture) would choose to be the most sexualized actor in American culture.

kate rigg says: "It would be a big turn-on for an Asian girl or guy to be with people who have been more successful in asserting their rights,” said Rigg. “This is a case of like likes like. A Black person is less likely to be as racist as a white person when it comes to dating an Asian girl. And a Black person might not feel as oppressed as they would by a white person in their family structure.”

does a black man turn me on b/c i see him as a big F-you to The Man? probably not, but okay kate rigg. am i turned on by activist men? yes. does black=activist? no. also, i think an asian woman who has the hots for activists would know that asians and asian americans have played an important role in access to rights as well. Lau v Nichols and bilingual education? Wong Kim Ark & citizenship? Property rights in Fujii Sei v State of California? just because we're still taught in a black/white paradigm doesn't mean we don't know our yellow history! j/k... kinda... (interestingly enough, i think most AsAm contributions or contestations were done through the legal system, or at least that method is best documented. that probably reflects on some larger belief on the goodness of the nation-state).

also, i have heard horror stories and of course have my own about Asian daughters w/ black boyfriends, rigg needs to rething her idea that black folks don't feel as oppressed by asian families. i personally don't know any asian women who's parents have opened their homes to black boyfriends. there is definitely a racial-dating hierarchy at play in asian families that is probably different in nature but equally horrific as that in white families.


anyways, i guess what i'm saying is that it is problematic to assume that the power issues in the Asian woman/white man phenomena can be transferred onto asian woman/ black man relationship's (Hamamoto's main argument). or that the near absence of power is what makes these relationships possible (Rigg). are there powers at play? of course? what are they? hey, i'm just here to deconstruct the argument. oh how po-mo of me!

p.s.
I actually like Ross' observation: “I’m not sure that African-American men have been involved in sexual relationships with Asian women in that context any more than white men; it’s just that when African-American men are doing it, it gets noticed more." word.

p.p.s.
just in case you don't know, i'm not one of those women who are like "my love exists in a vacuum and is unaffected by power that is raced/gendered/classed/ etc" i'm not saying this issue is stupid, i just think the arguments resemble swiss cheese.

*Hamamoto is an Asian American Studies Professor at UC Davis. In the late 90s he wrote "The Joy Fuck Club: Prolegomenon to an Asian American Porno Practice." In this article he basically argues that there needs to be an Asian American porn movement to help APA men reclaim their sexual identities (Asian American, not Asian). Pretty interesting article, obviously problematic as well. A few years later he actually directs an Asian American porn called "Skin to Skin" featuring a nervous Korean American neophyte male and a Cambodian-Thai American female porn star. "Master's of the Pillow", a documentary on the filming of this porn tours the film festival circuit along with Hamamoto's DISTURBING short entitled YELLOWCAUST: A Patriot Act? (basically an abridged version of his porn w/ scrolling text abt US imperialism in Asia. come to your own conclusion here. ) When asked at a screeing by an audience member why there was no use of condom's in his porn, Hamamoto answered he made an artistic decision to omit condom use. granted the documentary showed the two getting tested for HIV, but that can take a while to show up. the lack of existing sexual health education in asian american communitities made this particularly disturbing. i'm just scratching the surface here.

Forgive me, but some Oscar stuff

NOTE: I have not read the Oscar coverage in any mags, so i may just be repeating what is already written. sorry.

So the Oscars... i neither watched the oscars this year (no cable tv) nor did i see most of the movies that were up for best picture. i do however have two comments:
1. I am very glad that Ang Lee won best director for Brokeback Mountain. I finally saw this film and really enjoyed it. After I watched it, i checked it out on IMDB and read some threads on the symbolism between the elements of the earth and different characters. After I write three more lesson plans this week, I will def watch it a second time. Also Ang Lee is the first Asian/ Asian American to win this award, so that's pretty cool too.

2. I know every newspaper in the U.S. ran some kind of article about Crash upsetting Brokeback Mountain for best picture. Was I surprised? Hell no! I actually was pretty doubtful that Brokeback Moutain would win anything but did really believe that Crash would win big picture. I haven't really quite thought abt the implications of Brokeback Moutain losing***, but I def knew that Crash would win. Why? B/C of our society's need to pat itself on the back of "addressing" hard issues on race and power . YEAH RIGHT!

DISCLAIMER: This is not an attempt to be all academic and racial theorizing shit. this is simply what i remember as my initial reaction to the film.

I've seen this film once, only in the theater. Everyone was so freaking moved by this damn film. For me it was more like, "Eh, pretty much what a expected." Some ppl have compared it to Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing. NO WAY. Crash did very little to push the boundaries on the discussion of race. People thought this film was revolutionary and profound b/c they felt better educated and informed on US race relations, therefore they felt revolutionary and profound. it's kinda like when some white folks read peggy mcintosh's White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack and are like, "Wow, she's right. "Flesh-colored" Bandaids do more or less match the color of my skin!" and stop there and think they have now acknowledged their privilege. Not to diss Peggy McIntosh, or anything. ANYWAY back to Crash.

Again, this is only what I remember from my ONE viewing of this movie. Crash attempts to complicate race, power, and racism by moving beyond good v evil, black v white. now, you all know i am a big fan of moving beyond the Black-White
paradigm. So far, so good. Actually, that was as far as i can remember being good. Okay, so what was problematic?

SPOILER ALERT

Beyond the black and white characters, the rest of the characters were seriously underdeveloped and one-dimensional. Now, I am not saying that there needs to be an equal number of black, white, latin@, asian american characters in this film, but come on, it's in freaking LA! the korean couple human trafficking? yes. super important issue. but one-dimensional representations of underdeveloped characters that basically leave you with, "oh, the korean ppl are selling other immigrants. whoa! those damn koreans." hello, matt dillon's racism (or was it his dad? i don't remember) is all superdeveloped and you know where he is coming from. most ppl know where white racism is coming from. not many ppl (including me) understand all the shit that surrounds human trafficking. so how are you going to overdevelop a familar character and underdevelop and applaud it for being controversial, educational, and pushing the envelope? HUH? also the family who owns the store. the store gets all wrecked and has some 9/11 Osama crap painted on the wall. one of the family members makes a statement like "they think we're arab. when did persian become arab?" interesting bringing in post 9-11 racialization, but again, just left at that. last comment, the locksmith guy who was latino? his daughter lives and "saves" him from being shot. OF COURSE his story line has some magical realism in there

alright so what is my point? it's easy to applaud a film that really does nothing but remind us that racism is still around in different ways. that people of color are racist too, not just white folks. that doesn't really challenge any images or stereotypes. this makes us all feel thoughtful and down for the struggle in a superficial way.

***actually, i have and am thinking about this. i am not quite ready to articualte my thoughts. obviously this is linked to our society's superficial ability to accept LGBTQ communities, particularly a legitimization of LOVE, not just sex. i am going to leave this untouched for now b/c i don't think i have the means to work through the complexities of the situation. yes, my heterosexual privilege allows me to not think about this often. because i don't often think abt lgbtq issues, when i do think abt such issues, i struggle with articulating my thoughts. still, always working on this. ya know?

Locus Arts

"I Do" For Queer Love

FEATURING:

Danny Nguyen, Humorist
Jennifer Lin, Asian Poster Bride Comedian
"Muni To the Marriage" Short Film by Stuart Gaffney
DJ Toro spinning hip-hop, r&b and old skool classics. and more.

About the Film

"Muni To the Marriage"
February 12, 2004—the day San Francisco made marriage history. A short Muni ride to City Hall suddenly turns partners of 17 years into newlyweds.

During the ride, the filmmaker reflects on the difficulties experienced by his Chinese-American mother and white father more than 50 years ago, who were only able to marry when California’s law against interracial marriage was overturned.

Co-Presented by Harvey Milk Democratic Club and Equality California, SF Chapter
Mar 4, 2006 8:00pm
SPACE180 - 180 Capp Street, 3rd Floor (@17th Street), San Francisco
Admission: $5-7 sliding scale




ON STAGE:

DENIZEN KANE (Typical Cats and I Was Born with Two Tongues, Chicago)
JENRO (San Francisco)
not your average superheroes
with DJ Phatrick on the wheels

hosted by KIWI (Native Guns)

APEX OUT THE BOX is a collaboration with APEX Express (KPFA 94.1FM) and Locus Arts to feature API hip hop artists on the air AND onstage in the community. Tune in every FIRST Thursday of the month from 7-8pm to catch APEX's API Hip Hop program with host KIWI.

Mar 10, 2006 9:00pm
SPACE180 - 180 Capp Street, 3rd Floor (@17th Street), San Francisco
Admission: $7-10 sliding scale

this is kinda cool. Pandora is created by the folks who did the Music Genome Project. you type in the name of an artist you like, and then they create a streaming radio station with artists who have musical qualities similar to the artist you typed in. if there's a new artist you like you click the link to the iTunes store or Amazon. it may have a few kinks. for example i typed in "blackalicious" two different times and it gave me two different descriptions of their musical qualities. it's still neat though. it's descriptions of goapele included mild rythmic snycopation,, minor key tonality, and vocal-centric aesthetic. other descriptives are like clean lyrics, party style, laid back lyrics, clean lyrics, thin orchestration, acoustic drum samples, dry sound... endless!

WTF?!

Umm okay... how come nobody told me about this?
HR 4437 Border Protection, Antiterrorism, and Illegal Immigration Control Act (sounds disasterous just by the name) was passed by the house in December and is currently in the Senate.

Here are a few tidbits on HR 4437:
-Reduces LEGAL immigration by eliminating the visa lottery which allows 50,000 people a year apply for visas
-Adds 700 miles of fencing at the US-Mexico border
-Makes it a federal aggravated felony to be in the U.S. without proper documentation. This would make it nearly impossible for people to obtain immigration relief
-Criminalizes teachers, hospitals, social workers, clergy, and basically ANYONE who assists undocumented immigrants.

Dianne Feinstein is on the Senate's Immigration Subcommittee, let her know what you think:
Phone:
San Francisco office: (415) 393-0707
Washington, D.C. office: (202) 224-3841

Fax:
San Francisco office: (415) 393-0710
Washington, D.C. office: (202) 228-3954

Rally in Fruitvale

Asian American Film Fest

Eric Byler's (Charlotte Sometimes) Americanese! aka Shawn Wong's American Knees is the opening film for this years film fest!! YES! AND Joan Chen! is in this film. nice... the film is 35 bucks since its the opening night film. last year i missed The Motel, thinking it would get picked up and distributed... still waiting. no freaking way i'm waiting for Americanese. sign up to volunteer to watch movies for free!